Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I got the apprenticeship!  I am going to be working with the middle school and high school students at my church this summer!  I am so excited.  I've waited for this for something like three years. 

Anyways, I have stuff to do, so I should go do that.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Whispers or Yells?

I am reading a book called Religiously Transmitted Diseases by Ed Gungor.  I'm only a page or so into chapter 1, but it seems to be pretty good.  Right now Gungor is relating his big moment of realizing he needs God.  He was high, and when he came home he became sober really quickly and knew God was in the room.  Gungor talks about feeling dirty and ashamed.  I have read and heard so many stories like this.  It is the kind of experience you never forget. 

When reading Gungor's story I began to think back on my life.  I don't think I've ever had a moment like that.  I've had times when I have been basically crippled with emotion, or with the presence of something bigger than me.  I have wrestled with both angels and demons in my life, but never have I had a sobering experience with God in that way.  Sometimes that fact makes me question if I really believe, or if I really am a christian.  I do not, however, think God has been absent from my life.  I just think maybe he speaks in whispers to me, not a loud voice.  I think he gently guides me, his presence is comfortable not over bearing.

To those of you who read this, have you ever had an unforgetable, sobering experience with God or is he subtle with you as well?   

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Incredible Stories of Hope

As many of you know, I am really passionate about fighting human trafficking.  A group in Columbus, Doma International, is very involved with this.  To see what they do, check out the video. 

As I watched, I had to fight of tears.  It is beautiful, and heart breaking and beyond hopeful.  I just love it.  I love what Julie and the others at Doma are doing for these women. I hope I am able to help people to even a fraction of the amount that they do. 

If you are interested in this group and want to hear a better explanation of pretty much everything about human trafficking you should consider coming out to Otterbein this Thursday from 8pm to 10pm for their SEX SPEAKS: Raising Awareness For Human Trafficking in Central Ohio event.  To connect to the facebook even for this go here.

I think that is all for tonight.  I'm going to try to go to sleep now. 

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Either I got left behind or...

Well, it is officially 05/22/2011 and the entire world is still in one relative piece.  No rapture.  Shocking, isn't it?  Moving on...
I am now entirely moved out of my room at the campus ministry house.  I almost cried when it was empty and we were leaving.  I had such a great year there, and it was sad to see it officially end. 

Going back to campus made me miss Springfield more.  I would love to move back there, but I don't know.  I don't know if it is just me wanting to be there, or if I am supposed to go back.  Maybe it's both?  All I know is I am going to wait until it is clear that I need to go back.  I made a promise that I would go where called.  Part of that is making sure I am called, and that I am not convincing myself. 

On another note, I came home and unloaded the car and van of my crap.  It is all in my front room since my bedroom is already full of boxes.  Guess I won't be bored this week.  Anyway,  after that I went up and took a shower.  Sarah and I were going to go out to dinner, but after I was dressed I layed down to wait to use the bathroom to get ready and I fell asleep.  Sarah didn't wake me up, so we didn't go out.  But I woke up at 3am, and am now having a hard time getting back to sleep.  Lame.

Oh!  I have an interview at church for a possition with the youth group.  The interview is at 4:30 later today.  I've been turned down so many times before this, so if it happens great!  If not, it wasn't meant to.  No biggie.  =)

Ok.  I'm gonna read for a while and hope that does the trick.  Night!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I dreamt last night for the first time in quite awhile.  I don't remember much of it, but I do remember I was at Tuttle Mall listening to Girl Talk.  In real life I don't really know what Girl Talk sounds like, but work with me.  Anyways, I was  listening to Girl Talk when Steph came up.  We were talking about what we had been doing all day.  She said something about walking around the mall, and I had come for the music.  After that we were joined by Natalie, Kayla, Dani and I think Mere, but that part is a bit hazy.  We all decided to hang out in the mall.  At this point my dad came banging on my door telling me to get up, so I don't know what else was going to happen. 

The dream reminded me of how much I am missing my friends.  I am feeling kind of lost right now.  Usually I can convince myself to just suck it up and wait until school starts up again in the fall.  This time, there is nothing to look forward to.  No first day of class.  No New Student Days.  No nothing.  What am I supposed to do with that?

I really want to go back to school.  I want to be with my friends.  I don't feel right at home anymore.  Springfield feels way more like home than Hilliard these days.  I don't like it. 

What to do.  What to do.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Graduation Weekend

Well, the day I thought would never came finally has passed.  Before I talk about Graduation, I should really talk about Baccalaureate. 

I was selected to be one of 3 seniors who gave longer (five minute) reflections on graduation and our time at Witt.  I was really nervous right before, but according to Kayla and Natalie they couldn't tell.  I had a speech written out and I had every intention of sticking to it.  As usual, I did no such thing.  I began really well, but toward the middle of it, I just started ad libing.  After it was over, so many people told me it was really good.  Three or four people asked if I had any notes or anything like that.  I told them the truth.  Sarah Kelly, the Dean of Students, pull me aside afterward and told me that I probably had a future in public speaking, or motivational speaking.  I thought that was really cool. 

After Baccalaureate Dianne, Chris, Lydia, Kaisa, Mom, Dad, Sarah, Alex and I all went to Mike and Rosy's.   It was good.  They all left after dinner and I went home for a bit.  At like 7:30 I went over to Un Mundo to listen to some live music.  I got to spend some time with Sarah Page and her kids.  That was so cool. I haven't seen her and really talked with her in a long time.  I met up with the Berzins family at Un Mundo.  After the music was over, the Berzins parents went to the hotel and Lauren, Meredith and I went out to the reservoir.  It was fun hanging out with them.  They are both such characters.  So good!

OK, now for Graduation.  I wore my new flowery red dress and Sarah curled my hair.  The ceremony was inside, so that was a bummer, but it was pretty good otherwise.  We all lined up in the old gym.  I think I took approximately a million pictures with people.  When we all filed in you could tell everyone was excited.  It took me a while to find my parents and my aunts and cousins.  Eventually I did locate them, and I made many faces at mom during the ceremony.  We had a interesting moment during our class president's speech where she played our class song.  Apparently, our song is the Michael Jackson song from Free Willy.  Who knew?  During the song people would get up and dance every so often and the wave got going too.  It was hilarious.  The professors even did the wave on the stage. 

The ceremony was long, and the commencement speaker was interesting, but I nothing sticks out in my mind about his speech.  Maybe in the next couple of days the main thing I took from it will show itself.  I do have to brag for a moment though.  President Erickson mentioned me TWICE in his speech.  Once about my reflection, and again in reference to the Hope for Haiti weekend!  I was beaming!   When I went up and exchanged my marble for the empty diploma book President E complimented me once again on my reflection the day before.  I had no idea I was able to impress people like that with my public speaking abilities.  Now I know. 

We had an open house at the Ministry House and so many people were there.  Before that we all trekked up to third floor Hollenbeck to get pictures with Dr. Kaiser.  Once at the house I was able to sit down and talk with people.  A couple hours in I became incredibly overwhelmed.  I had not had nearly enough introvert time. 

After a while, everyone left and I finally got that down time I was craving.  Mom and I packed some of my stuff and they took it home for me.  At around 10:45 Kayla, Natalie, Aaron, Katie B and I all piled into Natalie's minivan. We went to Steak and Shake for my first real food all day.  It was so much fun. 

Now, I am listening to Songs We Sing and texting with my freshman (who is now a sophomore), Sarah.  It's the good life, and I am going to miss it.  Bring on real life!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sunset to Sunrise.


To celebrate the end of the semester, tonight Sarah, Darcey and I are staying up until the sunrise again.  We started the night off around 7:30pm by making dinner.  We made tacos, and listened to music in the kitchen.  It was good.

Oh!  Before we were able to make dinner, Sarah and I went to the store for the food to cook.   When we were checking out the cashier was uncomfortable friendly.  He was talking with us about all sorts of things, like where we are from, what we are up to tonight, etc.  When Sarah and I went to the Redbox to pick up a movie, he came over to us and was discussing movies and what not.  It was weird. 

Anyways, after dinner and dishes, we came down to the basement to watch movies.  First we watched Invictus.  I had never seen it before, and thought it was really good.  No we are finishing up watching Robin Hood - Men in Tights.  I had forgotten how much I loved this movie.

*Update: 1:55AM*

On to Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Special Edition)!

*Update: 3:45AM*

Well, we all ended up dozing off during Monty Python.  But Darcey and I are awake now.  She is coloring in her Sesame Street coloring book, and I am thinking about coloring another Spiderman picture from her coloring book while we watch FernGully: The Last Rainforest (Family Fun Edition).  This was my favorite movie for a number of years.  I would watch it all the time.  I'm convinced it is the reason I am always so eager to fight against things that are just not right.  Ask me about my first instances of activism if you are interested.  It's a pretty good story.  =)

*Update: 9:55AM*

So we didn't quite make it out to the sunrise.  We all fell asleep during Ferngully and I didn't set an alarm.  Oh well.  It was all totally worth it.  I had a great time just hanging out with the girls, and I think I'm going to go make monkey bread in like 30 minutes.  Such good!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

If only I had an Enemy bigger than my Apathy I could have won.

I have been listening to the Mumford and Sons Cd, Sigh No More, like it is my job.  I have been writing paragraph after paragraph for my take home finals and this music has been keeping me company.  I can't remember the last time I have done this with a single CD.  If you have not heard it, one crawl out from under your rock, and two go buy it!  It is absolutly incredible. 

I and trying so hard to stay focused on my exams, but I am fighting a losing battle.  Some days, today included, I think I should get tested for ADD or something.  If I enjoy something I can focus like a champ.  Nothing short of a smack will break me out of my fantasy world when I am reading, and if I am just daydreaming it takes a loud cough to bring me back to reality.  If I am working on homework the scratch of a pencil makes it impossible to focus.  Must be time for me to graduate.

About that... I don't really know how I am feeling about "graduating" this coming weekend.  I don't really want to leave Witt yet.  I'm not ready.  I am not prepared to be a real adult and have a real job (or two).  I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm like a 16 year old stuck in a 22 year old's body and life.  I know that I am past the high school age.  Hanging out with high schoolers has proved that to me.  I also know I am not done with the college age, hanging out with adult has proven that to me.


If anyone has any ideas of what I should be when I grow up, I am more than willing to listen to them.  Who knows, I might even pick your idea for my future.  Gnaw on that for a while, why don't you.

I am starting to get to that point where I am really sad when I hang out with friends.  It is starting to get in the way of me enjoying my time with them.  It's like "this could be our last (fill in the blank) for a long time!"  or "we will never (insert action here) again as college students!"  This nonsense just really needs to stop ASAP!

Ok, it's time to try and finish this exam.  Here goes nothing, and everything.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Life Affirming Night

I've been feeling a little off recently. Ever since the news of bin Laden's death I have felt like I have had a rock in my stomach. I feel queasy every time I think about it. With all of this illness of heart I knew I needed to do something that was life affirming. I just wasn't sure what to do. Turns out, I didn't need to think about it too long. It worked itself out.

Last night, I wanted to watch some Disney movies, and I knew Darcey wanted to hangout so I texted her. We "watched " Beauty and the Beast while coloring and talking about our semi-nonexistent love lives. When that movie was over, I texted Sarah and she came over. We colored more, watched Lion King 1 1/2 and talked about random stuff. Sarah was hungry, so we all went on a food hunt. We ended up at McDonald's. Then we decided, since it was such a clear night, to go out to the reservoir. We sang along with the radio, looked at the stars and went in circles in the parking lot.

We were planning on watching Toy Story 3, but then we just sat in the blue room talking about whatever and boys and more whatever. When we looked at the clock we realized it was like 6 am. The sun comes up at around 6:30, so we all piled back into Sarah's car Lola and drove back out to the reservoir. The water was covered in a dense fog, yet the colors still were showing through. As the sun broke through the trees and fog, the colors became more brilliant. The Dog Days are Over by Florence and the Machine was on the radio as the sun crested the horizon. It was like they were in sync with one another. It was beautiful, and soul healing, and life affirming.

Hanging out with the girls reminded me of how much I love them, and now I am so glad they are friends. Darcey and I had a good heart to heart. I had a blast laughing and singing with Sarah. It was wonderful. In short, last night was everything I needed, some of which I didn't even know I was lacking at the time.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Celebrating Death?

I feel really conflicted about the death of Osama bin Laden.

One part of me it happy he is gone. The bastard deserved what he got after he destroyed the lives of so many. He perverted his religion and brainwashed his followers into being violent, not peaceful as their religion calls for. He gloated and celebrated the deaths of everyone lost in 9/11 and if he had the chance he would have killed more Americans and others he felt were not pure. I am glad that justice has finally be served for everything that man was guilty of.

On the other hand, he was just that, a man. He was part of God's creation. While he the teachings on peace found in both Islam and Christianity (among others), he still was love by God as one of his children. If he had repented, God would have forgiven him. I am sure of it. And I never feel OK celebrating any one's death. Not to mention we did to him what he had done to so many of it.

While I will never tell someone else how to respond to a situation like this, I don't know that I like the way people have. The scenes of parties on the streets reminds me too much of the scenes we saw in the Middle East after 9/11. People waving flags, singing songs, celebrating in the end of a human. It all makes me nervous.

I don't know how I would react if I had lost someone on 9/11. Since I did go through that, I don't know how the people of New York and DC are feeling. Maybe they are right to celebrate. All I know is that I as a Christian have a very hard time being OK with that for myself. Thinking about his death makes me feel nauseous. Maybe I am worried about future retaliations. Maybe I am not a good American. I don't know. Do I celebrate, or do I mourn the loss of life? I don't really know. How are you responding to this news?