When I was younger, before I really began to grasp the love of God and what Christ did for me, I was incredibly insecure. I was shy and quiet. I would let people walk all over me. I never could trust that people actually liked me and thought I was fun to be around. I thought so little of myself and allowed people to treat me like crap. I only ever wanted to be liked and cared for, but was too scared to seek it out.
On Wednesday I was sharing with the Impact team how I have been really fighting those insecurities; and the feeling that my new friends from a Bible study (Fire) I have started to go to don’t really like me. I was asking for prayer that I can push the insecurities aside and remain in who God has made me. Sarah piped up saying that I will always be that secretly shy, socially awkward, girl. Maggie tried to tell me that was not true. After the meeting she read 2 Corinthians 5:17 and said that it applies to me.
As I was driving to worship with Fire last night and was thinking about that verse. “If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone.” It says a new creation, not a better person. New. As I was thinking about this I started to wonder what that would look like.
I think it’s like when you call Verizon for a new phone. You always want a brand new phone; one straight from the factory. Instead they send you a refurbished phone. Those phones always have issues that show up a few months after they send it to you. But on that lucky day they you get a straight from the factory, new phone, you have a phone that has no history of brokenness. There are no “fixed” issues that will show up later.
That is me. I keep thinking I am a refurbished phone. I am not. I am a new phone. There is no brokenness because Christ has made me new. My old issues only show up because I expect them to. I’m only insecure because I am not holding on to the promise that God made me.
It is easy for me to think 2 Corinthians 5:17 applies to my leaders, my students, or my friends. It is a lot harder for me to accept that for myself. I need to remember that God wants to work on me as much as he does them. I am just as much his beloved child as they are. It’s time I stop selling myself short and trust God at his word. I just don't know where to start.