Dream

I dreamt last night for the first time in quite awhile.  I don't remember much of it, but I do remember I was at Tuttle Mall listening to Girl Talk.  In real life I don't really know what Girl Talk sounds like, but work with me.  Anyways, I was  listening to Girl Talk when Steph came up.  We were talking about what we had been doing all day.  She said something about walking around the mall, and I had come for the music.  After that we were joined by Natalie, Kayla, Dani and I think Mere, but that part is a bit hazy.  We all decided to hang out in the mall.  At this point my dad came banging on my door telling me to get up, so I don't know what else was going to happen. 

The dream reminded me of how much I am missing my friends.  I am feeling kind of lost right now.  Usually I can convince myself to just suck it up and wait until school starts up again in the fall.  This time, there is nothing to look forward to.  No first day of class.  No New Student Days.  No nothing.  What am I supposed to do with that?

I really want to go back to school.  I want to be with my friends.  I don't feel right at home anymore.  Springfield feels way more like home than Hilliard these days.  I don't like it. 

What to do.  What to do.

Graduation Weekend

Well, the day I thought would never came finally has passed.  Before I talk about Graduation, I should really talk about Baccalaureate. 

I was selected to be one of 3 seniors who gave longer (five minute) reflections on graduation and our time at Witt.  I was really nervous right before, but according to Kayla and Natalie they couldn't tell.  I had a speech written out and I had every intention of sticking to it.  As usual, I did no such thing.  I began really well, but toward the middle of it, I just started ad libing.  After it was over, so many people told me it was really good.  Three or four people asked if I had any notes or anything like that.  I told them the truth.  Sarah Kelly, the Dean of Students, pull me aside afterward and told me that I probably had a future in public speaking, or motivational speaking.  I thought that was really cool. 

After Baccalaureate Dianne, Chris, Lydia, Kaisa, Mom, Dad, Sarah, Alex and I all went to Mike and Rosy's.   It was good.  They all left after dinner and I went home for a bit.  At like 7:30 I went over to Un Mundo to listen to some live music.  I got to spend some time with Sarah Page and her kids.  That was so cool. I haven't seen her and really talked with her in a long time.  I met up with the Berzins family at Un Mundo.  After the music was over, the Berzins parents went to the hotel and Lauren, Meredith and I went out to the reservoir.  It was fun hanging out with them.  They are both such characters.  So good!

OK, now for Graduation.  I wore my new flowery red dress and Sarah curled my hair.  The ceremony was inside, so that was a bummer, but it was pretty good otherwise.  We all lined up in the old gym.  I think I took approximately a million pictures with people.  When we all filed in you could tell everyone was excited.  It took me a while to find my parents and my aunts and cousins.  Eventually I did locate them, and I made many faces at mom during the ceremony.  We had a interesting moment during our class president's speech where she played our class song.  Apparently, our song is the Michael Jackson song from Free Willy.  Who knew?  During the song people would get up and dance every so often and the wave got going too.  It was hilarious.  The professors even did the wave on the stage. 

The ceremony was long, and the commencement speaker was interesting, but I nothing sticks out in my mind about his speech.  Maybe in the next couple of days the main thing I took from it will show itself.  I do have to brag for a moment though.  President Erickson mentioned me TWICE in his speech.  Once about my reflection, and again in reference to the Hope for Haiti weekend!  I was beaming!   When I went up and exchanged my marble for the empty diploma book President E complimented me once again on my reflection the day before.  I had no idea I was able to impress people like that with my public speaking abilities.  Now I know. 

We had an open house at the Ministry House and so many people were there.  Before that we all trekked up to third floor Hollenbeck to get pictures with Dr. Kaiser.  Once at the house I was able to sit down and talk with people.  A couple hours in I became incredibly overwhelmed.  I had not had nearly enough introvert time. 

After a while, everyone left and I finally got that down time I was craving.  Mom and I packed some of my stuff and they took it home for me.  At around 10:45 Kayla, Natalie, Aaron, Katie B and I all piled into Natalie's minivan. We went to Steak and Shake for my first real food all day.  It was so much fun. 

Now, I am listening to Songs We Sing and texting with my freshman (who is now a sophomore), Sarah.  It's the good life, and I am going to miss it.  Bring on real life!

If only I had an Enemy bigger than my Apathy I could have won.

I have been listening to the Mumford and Sons Cd, Sigh No More, like it is my job.  I have been writing paragraph after paragraph for my take home finals and this music has been keeping me company.  I can't remember the last time I have done this with a single CD.  If you have not heard it, one crawl out from under your rock, and two go buy it!  It is absolutly incredible. 

I and trying so hard to stay focused on my exams, but I am fighting a losing battle.  Some days, today included, I think I should get tested for ADD or something.  If I enjoy something I can focus like a champ.  Nothing short of a smack will break me out of my fantasy world when I am reading, and if I am just daydreaming it takes a loud cough to bring me back to reality.  If I am working on homework the scratch of a pencil makes it impossible to focus.  Must be time for me to graduate.

About that... I don't really know how I am feeling about "graduating" this coming weekend.  I don't really want to leave Witt yet.  I'm not ready.  I am not prepared to be a real adult and have a real job (or two).  I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm like a 16 year old stuck in a 22 year old's body and life.  I know that I am past the high school age.  Hanging out with high schoolers has proved that to me.  I also know I am not done with the college age, hanging out with adult has proven that to me.

Dilemmas...

If anyone has any ideas of what I should be when I grow up, I am more than willing to listen to them.  Who knows, I might even pick your idea for my future.  Gnaw on that for a while, why don't you.

I am starting to get to that point where I am really sad when I hang out with friends.  It is starting to get in the way of me enjoying my time with them.  It's like "this could be our last (fill in the blank) for a long time!"  or "we will never (insert action here) again as college students!"  This nonsense just really needs to stop ASAP!

Ok, it's time to try and finish this exam.  Here goes nothing, and everything.