Sunday, November 30, 2008

5 more thoughts

Another list... this seems to be how my brain is working these days.

  1. I love Christmas, and am really looking forward to this year. I don't really have a reason for it, I just am.
  2. I am not a fan of movies where things jump out of dark corners and shit like that, so I don't really know why I am watching I Am Legend and 3:30 in the morning.
  3. I really need to sleep more, but I feel too ashamed to do it. Other people can handle this little sleep but I can't. I come home and hope to catch up on sleep but all I hear is how all I do is sleep and I never spend time with the family and stuff. Don't they know I don't sleep at school? I mean, I tell them often. Why can't they just except it?
  4. I've been feeling kinda emo tonight, but I don't really have a reason... that is sucky.
  5. I wish it were easier for me to change. I mean, I'm so concerned about social justice, but I can't seem to do even the simplest things like helping feed those around me. **sigh**

I'm done. I don't know why the mood of this post changed... oh well. thus is life. <><

Friday, November 28, 2008

something new...

I've decided to try something new with this post. I'm just going to list the first 5 things that come to mind. OK, here goes...
  1. I really am not tired, even though I haven't been to bed yet and am about to embark on an epic Black Friday shopping trip.
  2. I miss Grant and really want to talk to him. I'm scared I'll come off as clingy if I call him though.
  3. I haven't been this content with life in a really long time.
  4. My lamp is absolutly driving me crazy cause it has this constantly droning buzz that doesn't stop unless I turn it off, which I can't do since I need light.
  5. I never realized, until college that is, how much I need people. They help me to see who I am.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Early Morning Musings

I don't really know why I'm up right now. I mean, it's almost 7 in the morning I wish i was still asleep. I laid in bed for like an hour before deciding I should get up. Maybe I'll go grab some breakfast this morning... if I can't fall back asleep I think I will.

Anyways, I don't know. Life has been a little strange on my end. I mean, I talked to Grant, and things haven't really changed other than the fact that I have hope that he may like me as well. I mean, he said he isn't ready for a long distance relationship yet, but that he doesn't know what will happen in 6 months to a year. That is a really long time, but I've waited this long, so I guess it's not so bad.

All I've been able to think about recently is what it will be like when I'm married. It's so lame. I used to be someone who would pick on my friends who would do this and now I'm turning into them. I mean, I've even been dreaming about it. It's ridiculous. I don't have a boyfriend, so why is this on my mind? I don't know. Oh well. I guess it happens.

As far as God goes, He's been pretty amazing. I don't really have any specific reason to think that other than the fact that I'm noticing little things that I don't usually. I've been noticing stuff like the way the sun hits the chapel at 5 o'clock, and the warmth of my bed. It's just silly stuff, but it's all a reminder of how God loves me and how I'm not alone (which is something I've been struggling with). I mean, I have been having this desire to spend copious amounts of time with him. This desire has been keeping me awake at night. I lay in bed and just talk with him in my head. I have found myself identifying with the writer of Psalm 63. When he says, "On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night." I understand that. It's been my life for the last week and I'm starting to love it.

Ok, I think I'm going to go get dressed and then head to breakfast. This is going to be an interesting day... <><

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

:D *sigh*

God is amazing!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008


WHY THE HELL AM I STILL UP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm so stressed about my Gov't test tomorrow. I feel like a total failure as a student and I'm pretty close to that as a friend (don't argue, it's how I'm feeling). I just want things to not be so damn difficult. I'm sure if it wasn't I would find a way to make it difficult. Whatever... back to studying.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Can't sleep...

I’m in a really strange place right now. I mean, my soul is incredibly restless, but not in the same way as before. I’m no longer questioning if I am in the location that I am called to, but rather I am no longer sure I am in the right ministries. I’m not going to go into much detail right now, but I am having some regrets about my involvement in one of the ministries. I feel like I should be more involved, but am not. I don’t think it’s too late, and I wasn’t in a place in my life that doing it would have been beneficial to the group, but now I may be. I don’t know though, how do you know if you are in the right place? For that matter, how do you ever know what you are supposed to do? I mean, I feel like all I do is guess. I never have an actual answer from God. Sometimes I just wish He would be like “KATE… DO X, Y AND Z…” That would make life soooo much easier. I’ve been trying really hard to listen for him, but I don’t seem to be hearing him anymore than usual. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just crazy. Well, I guess that doesn’t really fit here, but I am a bit frustrated. Oh well. I guess I’ll just try and sleep on it. G’night!

Saturday, November 1, 2008


So I had this communion revelation this week. Because I've been so sick recently I've been drinking tea like it's my job. Well, a couple nights ago I was having a cup of tea as I was winding down for the night. That night I was drinking from a mug that was my grandma's (the one who passed away over the summer). As I got to the bottom of the mug I noticed a pattern drawn in the bottom of the mug. I looked at it for a couple of minutes before it dawned on me that the lines were from my grandma stirring her tea while drinking. I was drinking one of my grandma's favorite drinks from her own cup.

As I was realizing that I began to remember the stuff pastors say before communion. you know what I'm talking about, all the "when ever you drink of this cup remember me." After that I started thinking about the way that every time I drink tea in this mug I'm going to remember my grandma, and how the disciples must have had the same thing happen to them with what we now call Communion. Every time they would get together and have the bread and wine they would remember their friend who died for them.

It may sound strange but the next time I have black olives I will think of Grandma Russell. No matter the occasion, there were always black olives in the relish tray. I don't know if there was a reason beyond her knowing my sister and I love them, but without fail they were always there. Once again, the disciples would have the same reaction to the bread. It would trigger memories of meal gone by with the leader of their pack.

I never really understood the reason for Communion. I mean, I understood it intellectually; I knew we did it because we were told to do so. I didn't understand why it mattered though. I never knew the emotional value of this simple meal. Now I understand, even as trivial as this analogy may seem, it really has opened my eyes to the beauty of this act of worship. People come together over food. Jesus understood that and used it to our benefit. We remember who we belong too and who's family we are in. It's almost as if He was implementing a family dinner where we share more than food with one another. We share life and we celebrate life together with this simple act of taking Communion. This fact is truly beautiful to me and I am so grateful to understand it on a new level. I hope someday you also can understand this as I do today.

Love you bunches!