Saturday, March 21, 2009


I went and saw Tetelestai tonight. I was fantastic. I had forgotten how much I love that show. OK, that might be a tiny bit of a lie because I don't think I will ever forget how much that show means to me. It changed me a lot. It changed me for the better. Before that show I was a quiet, insecure girl who had very little idea or passion about what she believed. After the two years of the show I was more comfortable with who I was and knew what I believed. It really was a turning point in my life.

That being said, I regret that time of my life. I regret that I didn't branch out more within the cast. I regret that I only got close to a handful of people, most of whom I don't talk to anymore. I regret not realizing that those years would fly by faster than I wanted them to.

I am so thankful to have had the chance to be in those casts with the people I was with. So many of them made an impact on my life and neither of us even realized it at the time. I see now how my experiences have helped to make me who I am today.

I hope that the kids in the cast realize that they are a part of something bigger than themselves. Those people they get dressed up in funny costumes and smear body makeup on every weekend will help make them who they are when they get to be as old as me. those memories, inside jokes, host family experiences and everything else that make Tetelestai so unique will stay with them for as long as they let it.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sunday, March 15, 2009

23.5 hours and counting down...

In just under 24 hours I am going to be 20 and am so not OK with that.

What have I done with my life?

-Other than the year I was four I've never lived outside of Ohio.
-I've never been farther West than Chicago, further South than the Boarder of North and South Carolina, or further East than DC.
-I've never gone on a mission trip (I know... a shock.)
-I was a Girl Scout from Kindergarten through graduation, but never really camped (the rest of my troop was scared of bugs or raccoons or something stupid like that)
-I've never fully learned an instrument, but have a defined my taste in music (It's eclectic if you were wondering)
-I've never dated.
-I've never gotten straight A's
-I've never seen many movies (if you knew how many times I've gotten by on pop-culture references you would all be appalled.)
-I've never been to another country.

But I'm not the sum of all the things I've never done, am I? I mean, I have:

-played Softball, Soccer, Basketball, and Volleyball
-helped raise my baby brother
-gotten my picture taken in front of the Wiener-Mobile (with my mother of course)
-been through 3 (soon to be 4) semesters of college
-been to 6 or 7 Relient K concerts.
-taught VBS for 3 years
-worked in a Subway
-worked concessions at softball games

I'm sure there are more things of note that I have done, but I don't remember any of them.

Anyways, I'm not entirely satisfied with my life up to now. I am not one to regret things that have happened to me, but I do regret things I never did. I realize that if I had done more things like take a road trip out west, or gone on a mission trip to another country I would be a totally different person. I know that people are made up of experiences they have had and the experiences they never had. I just hope I have more to report after then next 20 years, but the way I'm going it's going to take damn near a miracle to make that happen.

Well, in 23 hours and 30 minutes I'm going to kiss my teen years goodbye... I hate this part.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

ok, minor geek out...

OMG, I just saw the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and it looks FANTASTIC!!!!!! I am so pumped for this movie. Words can't even describe. I literally have a countdown on my desk top. We're 127 days away!!!!

OK, geek moment done for now.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Guard your heart...

What is it about Christians that they think they don't need to explain what they are talking about? I mean, I've grown up in the church, and I'm not sure I understand what the "older, more mature Christians" who give me advice are saying to me half the time. For example, I'm talking to one of the ladies at church about a guy I like. Nine times out of ten they say that I need to be sure and "guard my heart..."

really? guard my heart?

What does that even mean???

Is it like guarding the basket from the other team when they have the ball?

I did a quick Biblegateway search for "guard your heart" and came up with 2 verses, one in Proverbs:

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
And one in Philippians:
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
Only the second is at all helpful in understanding what people are saying. I didn't need to know why to guard my heart, clearly it would be painful if I didn't. I still need to know how.
The Philippians verse goes a little further in explaining what it means to "guard your heart". the thing is, it doesn't sound like something I can do but rather God has to do it.
This is all so frustrating. Really Christianese? Can't you have a dictionary, or step by step guide or something practical like that? I suppose not, because then there would bee no need to gnosis... damn gnostic roots.
OK, I'm gonna try and catch some z's before church. night!