Lions, Pirates and Monkeys... OH MY!!!!

Well, VBS starts tomorrow. I am really pumped to see how our shows go. I feel like we could have used an extra week for rehearsing, but I know that ultimately God will either let us succeed or will use our failure to teach us something. I am excited to see how He uses these next 2 weeks. It's been interesting helping direct again. It's weird that this time last year I was trying to help comfort my mom as her mom was dying. It's been a little surreal being back with the people who comforted me when I found out Grandma had died. Things are very different now.

I've been having a rough time recently being with these friends of mine. I love them all dearly, but I feel like they don't quite understand what I've been through in the last 12 months. I feel defective next to them. It's like, I'm still healing and am scared I'm going to ooze on them from my still fresh wound. I want to talk about it with them, but I don't want pity. I want to be able to just talk it all out, but there isn't the place for that.

My friends are still young. They are in high school. I used to get annoyed when people would tell me there is a huge gap between high school and college, but I understand now. We see things differently. I'm becoming bitter, they are still hardcore in love with God. I am not.

I am tired and never feel rested anymore. Maybe it's time I look for a therapist here in Hilliard. I'm starting to feel the cloud move in again.

For tonight I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm exhausted and have an early morning ahead of me.

Life Update

Tomorrow I will have been home for 2 weeks. I love being home. I get to hang with the family and just enjoy being with them. Also, we have been rehearsing for YKBS and so I get to be with some friends. So far the shows are looking pretty good. It will be better once we have a set though. I can't wait to see it. We're going to have a legit, 8ft waterfall. So pumped.

One thing that sucks is the lack of jobs here. I was supposed to work in the bank, but that unfortuantly fell through. I can't say I'm really upset about it though. I mean, I didn't really want to work there, but would for the money. Anyways, It's back to square one as far as the job search goes. I'm thinking maybe I'll check out Chick-Fil-A. They aren't open on Sundays, so that would be perfect for me.

OK, I need to do some major cleaning in my room if I ever want friends to be able to stay with me (which I do). Gonna crank some music and get to work.

Conversion

By no means do I have anything against Catholics. I mean, many of my good friends are or were Catholic. I have family that are as well. I don't think they are stupid, or obnoxious or anything of the sort. I just want to lay that out there before writing this next thing...

I WAS JUST PREACHED TO BY A CATHOLIC MAN OVER FACEBOOK!!!!! HE WAS TRYING TO CONVERT ME!!!! I mean, what the HELL???? I am Christian. For God's sake, I am Lutheran... we are Catholic, just spelled with an L!!!!

I have nothing against this man. And even though the all caps would lead you to believe otherwise, I am not even angry about this virtual encounter. I am just trying to figure out why people think what they believe is the legit, singular truth. This man was convinced I am missing out on some part of God's Kingdom by being *gasp* Lutheran. I mean, sure I am missing out on something, but so is he. He is missing out on what it means to be Lutheran, or Baptist, or Episcopalian, or what have you, just as I am missing out on things. I feel as though we get so used to thinking we are right that we can't stop and see that other people may be right too.


In other news...

I am home for the summer!!!! YAY!!! I have really missed it here. There is just something calming about being home (even when I'm crazy pissed at my sister). I love coming home and spending time with my family and friends. And Grant and I are home at the same time, which is so cool. OK, I think I'm gonna go make coffee. Catch you all later.

One down, 3 to go

As of today I only have 3 exams standing between me and my summer break.

This has been a shit-tastic year. I mean, let's recap, shall we?

Grandma Russell died in the summer before coming back to school. I didn't let myself grieve until I was back on campus (idk why, it just happened that way) Because of that I had a time of depression of which I am still feeling the effects. That was basically the first half of the year. When second semester started I spent a good 3 months fighting off various forms of the flu/colds/bronchitus. After I was finally "better" one of my friends killed himself. I got over that and started kicking major ass on classes (go me) but then last week a kid I graduated with died after fighting a nasty form of cancer for over a year. So, it's kinda been a rough year.

Even though it had been a horrendous year I have still had some great memories. There have been many nights of star gazing, including one last month when we saw 3 shooting stars. There was my fantastic Fall Break trip to DC with Sarah, Alyssa and Amanda. That was an all around great time. I found an instrument I'm pretty good at (aka drums) and have loved playing for CWS. I've played frisbee in the rain with some great people and have had awesome conversations with friends.

I guess this year hasn't been too terrible. I should remember that as it comes to a close.

I cannot wait for summer...

today

Today has been an long day. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night which is making tonight so much harder. One of the guys I graduated with died this morning. He had been battling a brutal cancer for the past year. He is a true inspiration. I don't know that I would have had the strength he had for as long as he endured. His dad had kept a blog throughout the whole battle and here is what he posted today:

"RYAN LEFT HIS MARK!
Ryan Michael Salmons, age 19, passed away and earned his angel wings on Friday, May 1, 2009.
Over the past year, Ryan has fought with perseverance and grace. Many times when he could have been bitter and angry, Ryan carried himself with class and dignity. Ryan was the epitome of courage and strength.

People live various number of years. Some live to be a hundred, some in their 50's and 60's. I truly believe that only the good die young. My son Ryan was GREAT! Over the past year he has touch thousands of lives, many people he never met or knew. We would talk about making a difference and it is not the quantity of time but want you do with the time you have. Ryan could not understand why peoples lives changed because of him. He just continued to fight his battle. I tried to help him understand it is not the fight, but how you are fighting the fight. He just told me that he may never understand why people admire him.

Throughout the journey, Ryan continued to want to do for others. Ryan tried to help parents on J5 when their kids could not verbalize what the drugs did to them. He became friends with younger patients and treated them family. Even when the Blue Jackets signed him to a contract, he turned it into how he could help push the team to the playoffs. It was not about him. That was Ryan's spirit. That is who he was.

I am proud to be his father, friend, and have been blessed by having him in my life. Ryan, I love you with all my heart and look forward to seeing you again one day in heaven.

Once funeral arrangements have been completed, I will post the information on his blog.-Brad"


Needless to say it's been a rough one. And so close after the death of Peter. All I want right now is someone to cry too but everyone is out partying or working on homework and I don't want to bring them down. I want someone to come hold me, but once again I'm in my room alone. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to call. I just don't know...

Since finding out about his death this past afternoon all I've done is avoid thinking about it. I went right to a friend's room to be with people. After I went to dinner with them we went out and played Frisbee in the rain which turned into a game of ultimate in a downpour. It was fantastic. Allison, Julia and I went on a walk and just allowed ourselves to be washed by the rain. It was great, but now that I'm back in the room by myself every emotion I had been trying to avoid has come rushing in to suffocate me. I don't know what to do with myself...

front page news

"Reported Suicide of Executive is Latest Shock at Freddie Mac"

I pick up the New York Times today and that is the first headline I see. It is front page news, I mean, it's right below the main picture above the fold; prime real estate as far as journalism goes. I realize that there is a recession going on and all that jazz, but why is his death on the front page of the New York Times??? I'm not saying that he was a bad man or not worthy of the front page, I'm saying that there are many suicides committed through out the week all a crossed the nation, why him? I mean Peter didn't make the front page. Other than his obituary, I don't recall him even making it in the paper at all. Once again, I don't care that this man made it on the front page, but am rather lamenting the fact that Peter did not.

I don't understand why one life is seemingly being valued as more important that another. We are all create equal, right? We are all made of the image of the same, living, God. Why, then, are some people mourned as a greater loss than others? Plus, don't you think the family of the man in the above article is hurting enough without seeing that on the front page? I read the article and it didn't seem to care that he had left people behind, but was more concerned with what it meant for the company. This was a man's life that he cut short because of who knows what. Screw the economy. Let the family grieve in peace!

I did not know Peter very well, but since his death life has become so very different. When I am with friends who were close to him I can still feel their hurt when he is mentioned. I can only imagine the fealings of grief and remorse that his family is still dealing with. My heart breaks for them and my friends who loved him. I wish their was something I could do for them to make it better, but there is nothing but prayer for me to offer them. So, I will give them that.

OK, enough of this emoness. catch you all later.

Invisible Rope

So, last night my cousins and I were playing in the street with this crazy cool ball Brandon had. it bounced like a billion times as high as a normal ball, and with less effort. it was AMAZING!!!! But that wasn't what I wanted to talk about. While we were throwing the ball and Brandon had the brilliant idea to pull a prank on people driving by. He said he had seen on Youtube this prank called the Invisible Rope. Basically, you just act like you are playing tug of war acrossed the road. We had people stop and wait for us to drop the rope. It was fun. I know, it may seem really lame, but I love doing stuff like that, but I especially love doing that stuff with my crazy-ass cousins (and siblings). We really are a special breed... gotta love it.