Sunday, June 14, 2009

Lions, Pirates and Monkeys... OH MY!!!!

Well, VBS starts tomorrow. I am really pumped to see how our shows go. I feel like we could have used an extra week for rehearsing, but I know that ultimately God will either let us succeed or will use our failure to teach us something. I am excited to see how He uses these next 2 weeks. It's been interesting helping direct again. It's weird that this time last year I was trying to help comfort my mom as her mom was dying. It's been a little surreal being back with the people who comforted me when I found out Grandma had died. Things are very different now.

I've been having a rough time recently being with these friends of mine. I love them all dearly, but I feel like they don't quite understand what I've been through in the last 12 months. I feel defective next to them. It's like, I'm still healing and am scared I'm going to ooze on them from my still fresh wound. I want to talk about it with them, but I don't want pity. I want to be able to just talk it all out, but there isn't the place for that.

My friends are still young. They are in high school. I used to get annoyed when people would tell me there is a huge gap between high school and college, but I understand now. We see things differently. I'm becoming bitter, they are still hardcore in love with God. I am not.

I am tired and never feel rested anymore. Maybe it's time I look for a therapist here in Hilliard. I'm starting to feel the cloud move in again.

For tonight I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm exhausted and have an early morning ahead of me.

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