Saturday, January 9, 2010

What the Past Held, and the Future Holds

A realization struck me over break. I have 3 semesters left at Witt. Sure I can go to grad school, but that is not the same. I love my friends so much. I have finally found people who love me and accept me for who I am and don't expect me to be someone I'm not. I really don't want to leave this community. I have been through so much over the last 2.5 years. I know there is more to come and 3 semesters is a long time, but it's still a little overwhelming. There are moments that I will never forget. My favorite moments are:
  • Playing hide and seek in Meijer with Katie B., Katie C., and Steve.
  • Three trips through the McDonald's drive-thru so we didn't have to pay people back.
  • Sitting in the chapel after CWS rehearsal with Kate Longtin talking about everything from boys to ghosts.
  • Watching Ghost Hunters with Kate and cooking in her apartment
  • Playing Guitar Hero with whoever would play.
  • Odd-Hour food dates with Natalie in the CDR booths
  • Prime-time prayer meetings on Wednesday nights.
  • Girls Bible Study (both freshman and sophomore years)
  • Leading a PT Bible Study with Megan
  • Discipleship with Ashley
  • Midnight t-hos runs with the girls
  • Staying up and talking all night with Martha
  • Playing ultimate Frisbee in a rain storm with the girls from the 3rd floor.
  • Fall Break DC trip with Alyssa, Amanda, and Sarah D.
  • Coffee dates with friends.
  • Peer Helper training
  • When I told Nat and Kay that I got the youth director job and getting tackled in their excitement.
  • Building a fort in the living room and falling asleep in their (many times)
  • Starting the "Happy Thoughts" wall
  • Writing a song in the shower
  • Putting the words from the shower to music.
  • Watching Lost and having a Lost day
  • Star gazing
  • Thanksgiving dinner with the girls from 631
  • When Grant came to visit
  • Learning the Hoedown Throwdown
  • Playing Hacky-Sack
  • Having a girly movie night
  • Communivale

There are more, I'm just tired of trying to think of them all. Overall the last 2.5 years have been fantastic. I love where I am and don't want to leave. However that is not an option. I have to leave, so now it's time to figure out what I'm going to do when I do leave. I know I am going to take a year and do LVC (hopefully in either DC, Chicago or Seattle). After that I'm pretty sure I will go back to school, but I really don't know what for. There are a number of things I could see myself doing and being happy with it.

I could be a pastor. I enjoy sharing what I learn from the Bible with other people and to have the added bonus of having studied it (and will have continued). The problem is that I don't think I will be able to handle the political-ness that comes along with working in a church. Also, I am scared that if I was to work in a church for a long time I would lose the "wildness" that is my faith. I have taken time to refine my faith and how I relate to God, however I am not scared of telling someone they are wrong if they are acting contrary to the character of God. Its like, when you see a lion in the wild you can see a certain fire and wildness in their eyes. But when you see a lion in the zoo that fire has died down and they are much more tame. I don't what to be tamed. I like the wildness of my faith. I think that is an important image. There is a reason they called Jesus the Lion from the tribe of Judah. Jesus wasn't tame, and we are called to be Christ-like. When we become tame we no-longer are acting in line with Jesus.

Another option is for me to be a professor. I love sharing what I know with other people. And I love the college atmosphere. Also, I honestly feel like the best way to help people is to educate them. If this is something I am passionate about then I need to actually do something about it, not just talk about it. A problem is that in order to do that I need to get my PHD and in order to do that I need to get into a PHD program. I don't think I have good enough grades for that.

I could also open a non-profit organization that's whole purpose is to take in kids (read 12 years old through 21 years old) who have nowhere to live and give them the opportunity to change their stars (as William Thatcher puts it). It would be set up in a house where the kids would live (along with my family) and we would function as a whole family unit. The would have chores, and "study tables" and would have privileges that can be taken away if they break a rule. And school would be necessary. Also, they would have to allow us to make them get drug tests done. It would allow them somewhere safe to live and guaranteed food on the table and the chance to not worry about things that get in the way of their studies. Ideally this is what I would love to do, but it doesn't pay well. Hopefully I will have a biological family that will need to be provided for. I suppose my husband would be working and I could work as well, but I don't really know where. I suppose I could open a coffee shop in conjunction with the organizations (tentatively called The Rahab House) and then use the revenue to support my family. Also the older kids could work (for real wages) and learn how to support themselves and eventual family. I don't think I would make the kids go to church, but I would encourage it. I understand not wanting to go, so I wouldn't want to force that on anyone.

By the looks of this analysis it seems like I'm most passionate about the Rahab House, but I don't know if I can do it. I suppose I have some praying to do.

I guess I didn't get the gift of discernment. I need to pray for that as well.

OK, Alex has his pinewood derby tomorrow, so I should get a bit of sleep before I have to leave. I'm back on campus tomorrow night! Can't wait.

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