It's 3 am and here I am; I'm still awake. I really don't know why. Maybe it is the Dr. Pepper I had at 10, or maybe it's the fact that my heart feels heavy tonight. I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way, but I just feel down. This has been really unexpected though. I mean, I have been learning so much from God, I have felt so connected to Him. It's not like a camp mountain top high, and I most certainly am not reading my Bible anymore than usual. I don't know, I just was feeling... whole. I was loving being home with my family and not having to worry about classes. I don't know. I guess I haven't been feeling able to really be myself. I'm sure once I talk to mom about it I will be ok.
Onto another topic of sorts, I've been feeling really convicted recently on a couple things:
I am incredibly blessed. I have so much and yet I feel like I am entitled to more stuff. I get mad that my car doesn’t work like it should and that it isn’t a nice, shiny new car. I want a nice house and clothes that are semi-cool. I have all of these things I want, but they do nothing to help the people around me. This greed, for lack of a better term, has blinded me to the many blessings that He has given me. I need to learn that my comfort is not necessarily guaranteed to me; only that God will be with me. Like Jesus said, “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” (Matthew 6:28-29) Why do I think God can’t take care of me? So, in a nutshell, I am convicted in my greedy ways of thought.
I am not healthy. I am too out of shape. I’ll be honest, I’ve had to fight a lot of image issues seeing as I’ve always been on the larger side. Well, no more. I am going to get in shape. It will be an act of worship. I mean, Paul says it best in 1 Corinthians. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
I need to get out of debt ASAP. I know, I’m in college and so debt just kinda happens. Well, I don’t think that is something that should be hanging over me. It may be unavoidable for a time, but eventually I will be able to work it off and get out of the hole I’m already in as a 20 year old. I’m going to start small; I’m going to pay off my credit card then try and not use it for things other than emergencies. I mean I’m just feeling really convicted in having debt because God tells us to not owe anyone anything. (Deut 15:6, Proverbs 22:7) Plus, person cannot serve two masters, God and Money, so as long as I have dept riding over me then I cannot fully serve God.
Thess may all seem like lofty goals, but I’m convinced that they are attainable. Even if I fail in some aspect as long as I follow God’s heart I should be fine. It can be read in Micah what the good way is. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8) So, yeah. I guess that’s all for tonight. I really should go to sleep now. I’m exhausted. Night!