Sunday, August 31, 2008

I need out!!!

I feel so complacent right now. I'm too comfortable. I need to do something to push myself. These are the thoughts that have been in my head fairly consistently over the past week or so. Every so often I’ll go through this phase. I will feel the need to do something to push me out of my comfort zone, or to make a difference in the world. I guess you could say I’m looking for a way to be fulfilled. I get a little stir crazy when things are the same for too long. I need to get out of this rut I’m in, but I don't really have any way to do it. I know God has a plan for me, but I'm not good at waiting. I wonder if maybe this is part of the plan. Maybe the stir-craziness is Him leading me to the next level. I'm not sure what that is but it exists, I know it. I don't know how to get there though. I heard stories of people my age who do all these amazing things, like living in the streets of Chicago with nothing but the clothes on their backs and their video camera to document it, or quitting school to do music full time, or even something as simple as a road trip. I hear these stories, and see how much of an impact those experiences have on my friends. I want that. I want to grow and learn and see new things. I'm tired of the normality of my life. I'm tired of sitting in my dorm room doing homework, or sitting in class taking notes. I can be doing something great, but not while I’m here. I could be out on the road, making a difference, or volunteering my time in the poverty stricken areas of the states. I could be helping with kids who have shitty lives and have never truly been loved. I could be out in the world doing what I’m called to do, and yet here I sit comfortably at my desk. I need to get out. I need to grow, and change. I need to get hurt, and to feel despair. I need to know what it's like to be in a totally and utterly hopeless situation and still see the silver lining. I need change. I just don't know how.

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