I'm the Villain

I am so tired of being the villain in my family.  I feel like nothing I do is good enough. 

So, on top of trying to come to grips with Dad saying I have secondary Power of Attorney I am also being told I am selfish.  Months ago I committed to going on the confirmation retreat, the retreat is this weekend.  I was hoping to still go, since I really hate being in hospitals.  I thought my mom would understand.  She keeps saying that I shouldn't put the responsibility of taking care of Alex on Sarah.  By asking that of me she puts it on me.  It's like she doesn't see how much this all is hurting me.

As mom and I are talking about this all Sarah comes in and rips into me saying how selfish I am and that I only think of myself.  I am tired of them not seeing how much all of this is tearing my up.  I hate that I am an internal processor.  I wish my family trusted me more to think about people other than myself.  I wish they thought higher of me.  I guess I'm not as good as I have always thought.

Maybe I am selfish.  But I don't think that makes me the villain they make me out to be.  I'm just sick of the crap.