Bomb

So, I have been working on and refining two blog post that I was going to post today and tomorrow before I had a bomb dropped on me.  For those who don't know, my dad is having a total hip replacement on Friday after suffering bone on bone pain for the last I don't even know how long.

That is fine, I have known this was coming for a while.  What I didn't see coming was dad handing me a packet with his living will in it.  In the living will, he gave me secondary power of attorney.  If something happens to dad, and mom can't bring herself to tell the doctors to take him off life-support I have to do it. 

I am not even able to throw away papers from elementary school.  I don't want this kind of responsibility.  I wish he would have just asked me so I could tell him how afraid this makes me.  I am a hot mess right now, and I don't even know what to do to pull myself together.  I wish I had someone here to be with me during this. 

This just feels so heavy, and I feel really alone.