I feel like I need to update this. I haven’t written much recently, I just haven’t had time.
Work is going well. I feel like I really am beginning to build relationships with some of the kids at ESOL. There are still a few who can be a bit ornery, but they are getting better. I am also building relationships with the volunteers, and that makes me so happy. It is hard to be the leader of a room when you don’t know the personalities, strengths and passions of the people who are supposed to be helping you. But we are all learning.
Impact is doing well. I have this feeling that it is going to blow up (in a good way) over the summer, so I am really praying for God to raise up leaders who will come along side our kids and invest in their lives. I have seen so much growth in our current leaders, and am so excited to see what God does with them as they grow older.
I am still going to Fire, and I love it. It is so nice to be in a community of believers who are going hard after God. It is even nicer that they are close to my age! What a bonus!
For Lent this year I have decided to run hard after the Holy Spirit. I am spending serious time in prayer and am listening for His voice in my life. When he tells me to do something I am doing it. I am praying for dreams and visions. I am trying to learn how to heal people. While this may sound crazy to a lot of people, it has been amazing what God has been doing since I started this journey just over a week ago! Plus, God says:
The Lord says: These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.” (Isaiah 29:13-14)I am going to take that and run with it. I don’t want my faith to be just about what I know, but who I know!
That being said, I have really been struggling with the idea of Spiritual Authority. In order to walk into the things I feel like I am being called to I need to be able to also walk into my spiritual authority. That is a hard concept for me. I have grown up with friends and parts of my home congregation that have said women do not carry the same authority as men. That has wounded me a lot more than I realized. I have felt as though I am not as capable in the Spirit as the male counterparts that are around me.
These wounds are so deep that I second-guess myself often. I am always sure that God has settled on using me because no one else has stepped up. That is a blatant lie. God put me where I am because He wants me there, not because he is settling. I need to remember that.
Last night I read a blog about the Priesthood of all Believers. Jessica Leep Fick is a staff member for InterVarsity. She was writing about her journey in understanding that she is a part of that priesthood. She says, “…doubts still linger in my heart from people and churches that have sent me the message- ‘you can’t do this. You aren’t allowed. You didn’t go to seminary. You’re a woman. You aren’t legit. Who do you think you are?’” It was like she read my mind. Ultimately, she decided to believe Jesus, not these lies.
That is the path I am on now. I am choosing to believe God’s word, even though I am not sure. In 1 Peter, God says “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2:9) If I am walking in authority in a way that declares “praises of him who called [me] out of the darkness” then why wouldn’t He back me up?
If I am healing, or stepping out in faith as a way to bring Him glory He isn’t just going to leave me hanging. If I am doing those things with an attitude of pride and showing off, then of course I will fall flat. The only authority I have is found when I humble myself as Christ did. Then God will raise me up as one of His beloved children, part of His royal priesthood.