Over the course of the year I
have felt like God has been teaching me about rest. I mean, when we started 2014 and I asked him
what my word for the year was, that’s what I felt like he gave me. Toward the beginning, he showed me that I am
allowed to rest. I took a month of from
the ministries I am involved in. Nothing
fell apart. I mean, there were a few
things that needed to be adjusted and fixed when I came back, but nothing too
drastic.
During the summer, I feel like God was showing me
that I can find moments of rest in the craziness. And also that it’s ok to be protective of
those moments. He also showed me why rest
is so important. It’s like; I tried to
love people out of my own strength. I
tried to make myself be there for them, and take care of them while I myself
was falling apart at the seams. I missed
things then. I was so busy trying to
hold myself together so I could take care of them that I missed a lot of
opportunities to be there for my friends.
For the last month I have felt like September 1st
was going to mark the beginning of a new lesson in my life. So far that has proven to be true. About a week ago I felt like God gave me a
heads up that this was going to be a season of weeding and pruning in my
life. God is going to pull up those
things in my heart that don’t need to be there so he can plant good
things. And he is going to prune the
areas of my life that are producing fruit so that they will produce a bigger
harvest. Since seeing that, I have had
some mild anxiety about this new lesson.
I feel like it’s going to hurt. I
had no idea how badly.
I have felt like my soul has been in chaos recently. Like, every few days I feel like my soul is just getting the shit kicked out of it. You know that feeling that you get when you are somewhere you are unfamiliar with, and then you get separated from the people you are with? That panic and fear that just consumes all of you? That is what I feel deep in the core of who I am. I lose sight of myself.
Tonight, I was thinking about a lot of things and
nothing in particular when I felt the tug on my heart that God wanted to tell
me something. So, I asked him to speak
up. “Kate, there are a lot of things
from your past that we need to deal with.”
That’s what I heard. I have
always thought that I was over most of my history and had moved on. Apparently I was wrong. So, it looks like I’m in for a painful couple
of months. I know in the end it will be
good. I am just praying for strength and
peace in the meantime.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
No comments:
Post a Comment