For the last few months I have been feeling like I am going through like wearing cement shoes, or a backpack full of bricks.
I realize life is not a sprint, but a marathon and I shouldn’t worry about how fast I am going. But then I look around me, and everyone has stable jobs or classes to keep them moving and I don’t. I pick up odd jobs here and there, but that isn’t enough. I will start working with people and my passions are awakened, then the next thing I know the rug is being yanked out from under me and I am back on my own. I am getting really tired of being disposable.
I see it with some friends, with work, with church, even with my family. I don’t like it. I’m tired of being the person everyone knows they can count on to be there when their plans fall through, but I’m never their ‘plan a’. I want to be someone’s ‘plan a’!
I have had plenty of interviews that have gone really well. I come out of them feeling like I did a solid job and they would be stupid not to hire me. Then I get the call. They are going with someone different. In my mind that means someone better. Can I be the best some day? Can I please be picked first for the team, not last?
Every time I am rejected it’s like another brick tossed in my backpack; one more thing weighing me down. I am tired. I want to put it down, but I can’t take it off my back. I need someone’s help, but everyone else is too busy dealing with their own backpack. So I trudge on. Maybe someday I will be someone’s ‘plan a’.