Thursday, March 22, 2012

Backpack of Bricks

For the last few months I have been feeling like I am going through like wearing cement shoes, or a backpack full of bricks.  

I realize life is not a sprint, but a marathon and I shouldn’t worry about how fast I am going.  But then I look around me, and everyone has stable jobs or classes to keep them moving and I don’t.  I pick up odd jobs here and there, but that isn’t enough.  I will start working with people and my passions are awakened, then the next thing I know the rug is being yanked out from under me and I am back on my own.  I am getting really tired of being disposable. 

I see it with some friends, with work, with church, even with my family.  I don’t like it.  I’m tired of being the person everyone knows they can count on to be there when their plans fall through, but I’m never their ‘plan a’.  I want to be someone’s ‘plan a’!

I have had plenty of interviews that have gone really well.  I come out of them feeling like I did a solid job and they would be stupid not to hire me.  Then I get the call.  They are going with someone different.  In my mind that means someone better.  Can I be the best some day?  Can I please be picked first for the team, not last? 

Every time I am rejected it’s like another brick tossed in my backpack; one more thing weighing me down.  I am tired.  I want to put it down, but I can’t take it off my back.  I need someone’s help, but everyone else is too busy dealing with their own backpack.  So I trudge on.  Maybe someday I will be someone’s ‘plan a’.

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