In and Out of Funk

Twice in less than a week I've been in a funk. Both times have revolved around my singleness and insecurities about myself resulting from my singleness. Twice my housemates have been the ones who pull me out of it.

Last Thursday night I had a rough time and was talking to Kate on IM about it. I was getting a bit more emotional that normal and started to cry and at that exact moment Kayla walked by. I think it surprised her to see me so upset, but maybe not. After I took a minute to "compose" myself I went down stairs to we could watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium like we had planned. After the movie I talked to Natalie and Kayla about what I had been thinking and how much it was hurting me. I don't know, somehow they got me laughing and from there on out for the rest of the night and the days to come I was good. It was like the breakdown never happened.

Then tonight happened. I know I should know better, but I skipped class today because I just wanted a break. Because of that I had an hour and a half to myself to think about whatever and once again my mind went to my lack of boyfriend. I was arguing with God (in my head) when Nat came up to see what I was doing. We talked for a couple hours and then we decided that it was a good night for her to learn how to play poker. So I taught her the basics and we played until Kayla was off the phone with her boyfriend then she joined us. When Kayla started playing it just bumped the fun up a couple notches. I mean, two person poker is OK, but three person is even better. They both kicked my ass tonight, but I'm not worried. I'll get them next time. I also am not sure I've laughed that hard in a long time. It was wonderful.

I am so thankful that I am living with them. They are wonderful and really do make my days so much better.

Not Sure How to React

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because of the whole H1N1 pandemic Wittenberg is telling it's students that if they feel sick and have a fever, cough or sore throat that they should not go to class. While they are saying that the professors are still using attendance as part of the grade. This doesn't make sense. I have a really hard time deciding if I should stay home and rest and take care of myself when I know I've already missed 2 classes and the professor only gives 3 freebies. I don't want my grade docked because I have a cough and low fever. But with this H1N1 craziness that has been going down recently (including Witt's first cases) I feel like if I don't stay home people are going to be kinda annoyed. Like, I missed a day of class because of a nasty migraine a couple weeks ago. My professor's first words to me were "are you healthy?" when he saw me in the ceramics room the next day. That being said, he is also the professor who has said that my missing class is getting into the "effect your grade" range. How am I supposed to miss class when I know it is going to lower my grade? I'm stuck. I can either stay home and lose points or I can go to class and risk getting everyone sick. What do I do with that? Take now for example; I have had a fever off and on all day, along with a nasty cough, a headache and soreness all over my body. All symptoms are pointing to the flu, but when I skipped class today I felt incredibly guilty and scared that it was going to effect my grade. I don't want to run to the Health Center for every case of the flu I get but that seems to be the only way for me to miss class and not worry about my grade. I don't know. What do you think about this?

Mind Dump

Thoughts and stuff about the last month:

1. I have had 2 really awesome conversations with Kate Longtin. It's been really good talking with her about stuff that is on my mind. It is great that even though she is in Missouri and I am in Ohio that we can still stay close.
2. I am really enjoying my life. I feel like I am starting to be able to just enjoy where I am when I am there. I was reading Lamb again and came a crossed something. It is Joshua talking to his Kung Fu master. Joshua says "Why did we set up twenty posts if we were only going to use three?" His Kung Fu master answers "Why were you thinking of twenty when you can only stand on one?" I love that. I love the realization that stressing about the future and thinking about the past doesn't do anything. I can only take one day at a time so why should I worry about what is to come?
3. I am basically at peace with God. This is probably the first time in years that He and I have not been at odds over some decision. It is a wonderful feeling.
4. I hate being sick. I have been coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and aching for about a week now. I'm totally done with it. I just want to be able to breath again and to not feel exhausted after 3 hours of class. But I am slowly getting better. Very slowly. Hopefully by Monday I will be rid of the fever and aches.
5. I have been really into playing guitar again. I didn't play like at all last year so my fingers are sore after I play but I love it. I am learning more chords and through that more songs. It's great.

Ok, well my head is starting to hurt and I really should go to sleep before the sun comes up. Also, I am hoping to go to church before heading back to campus. So, good night all.

Junior Year

Oh man guys! I am a JUNIOR IN COLLEGE!!!! What the hell? When did I get so old? It's blowing my mind! Anyways, yeah. It's been cool becoming an actual adult. I've been cooking, cleaning, helping pay bills (kinda, I mean, I don't get paid until the 15th, so yeah.)



Right now my housemates and I are hang out behind our appartment Natalie is coloring, Kayla is making a playlist of a dance party we want to have and I am, well, writing this blog post. It is awesome. It's like so crazy that this is real life. I mean, it's so surreal. But anyways, yeah.

Things I'm thinking:

1. I love the weekends. All I have done is hang out with my housemates and just enjoy life. It's is so nice not to have to freak out about stuff. I love being this chill.
2. My classes are FANTASTIC! I love them all. I'm getting better at ceramics, Old Testament is with Kaiser, so of course I love that. My two night classes are long, but very interesting, so I'm cool with them.
3. I've decided to stop feeling bad about being single and just live in the moment instead of the future. I am missing the things that happen around me because I am always thinking that the next guy I meet may, in fact, be the one I live the rest of my life with. I am just going to enjoy and when I meet him I meet him. No worries. When I do start to feel bad for myself, I'm going to pray for him.
4. That being said, I really want a baby. Is that bad? I don't think so because I am 20. I've had the abillity to have kids for the last 6-7 years. It's normal I think? Maybe?

Speaking of being in the moment, I need to go start thinking about making dinner. I'm gonna peace out. Catch you all later. <3

Things I Am Thinking Right Now...

I haven't done a list in a while so I felt I should remedy that. Actually, I just have a lot of thought going through my head, but that's all they are, thoughts. So, here you go; my thoughts this evening.

1. I love the weather we are having right now. It is 77 degrees outside and there are only the beautiful wispy clouds in the blue sky. It is the perfect weather to sit on my deck with some music and my computer and write.


2. I officially have an apartment. I went to Witt on Tuesday and got the key to the place I will be living for the next two years. I am so excited to get moved in and start visiting friends.


3. I cannot believe I am 20 and halfway done with college. I still feel really young and immature. I suppose that change one day.


4. I want to bring back the Rock for a Change concert. I think I'm going to start planning it for this coming summer. I would love to get House of Heroes and Relient K to play for it. I think the cause we would be raising money for is Me to We/Free the Children. They work together on a lot of projects and both were founded by the brothers Kielburger.


5. I am no longer going to feel bad about my idealism. Luther was an idealist, Mother Theresa was an idealist, and so was most every person who has changed and is changing the world for the better.


6. I am really disliking being single right now. I was talking with Nat the other day about the kind of guy I think I need/want to marry. I want him to be an outdoorsy guys. I want to go canoeing and hiking with him. I would love for him to be able to sing and play guitar. I need him to be a strong Christian. Preferably a "light" guy to balance out my "darkness" as my friend calls it.
7. Just found out my grandma is in the hospital. Now I'm worried that she won't make it to Christmas. I don't know that it is that bad, but I always assume the worst.
8. The book of Romans is growing on me. DeEtte will be excited about that.
9. Alina is moving to Seattle. That is like crazy far away. I'm gonna miss her. But I'm sure she will do great out there. And who knows, maybe I'll be able to go visit her someday.
10. I really don't want to clean up the kitchen... please don't make me. Ok, fine. I will do it. But first I'm going to waste an hour on Facebook doing absolutely nothing, but not being bored at all while doing it.

So, that a little bit of what is going on in my head right now.

Jesus, Justice and Jazz '09

New Orleans was amazing. I don't think I've ever experienced anything like it. We had worship in the Superdome. Listening to all 38,000 of us singing with the house band was an incredibly moving experience. There was a crazy amount of conga lines going. And SO MUCH DANCING!!!! My favorite song by far was He Lifts You Up by Audio Adrenaline









The week wasn't just about worship, but about service as well. My group helped to paint Room 310 in the Charles R. Drew Elementary School. It was a lot of work and by lunch most of us were in horrible moods, but in the end it was well worth it. We also got to know the guy in charge of the renovations on the school. His name is Troy. He hasn't left NOLA in over 4 years. He lost everything in Katrina, but is still working to get more and more schools open. He really is an incredible man.


Speaking of Katrina, you would be amazed how much is left to be done in the recovery from the storms of that fall. Everywhere we went there were houses and other buildings that are STILL boarded up. It's been 4 years since Katrina and Rita hit the gulf, and the levy broke. It is amazing how much work there is left to do. I mean, there are families still living in FEMA trailers. I know they wouldn't stand a chance with out them, but the trailers are smaller than my dorm room in Woodlawn. That is great for a short term fix, but not for as long as these people have been forced to live in them. There just isn't the man power to rebuild any faster than they are.


One of the things that was so cool about this trip was seeing how the 38,000 of us were such a presence in the city. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing some high schoolers wearing brightly colored t-shirts. It was incredible. We descended on that city like a swarm of non-destructive locust. The mayor of NOLA told us that the amount of we would accomplish in 3 days would take the city 3 years to complete normally.



In the mass gatherings we would have worship, then would listen to different speakers. It was really cool. I picked up on the recurring theme of how one person can change the world. It was an awesome time of affirmation for me. There was one speaker who literally said to not lose our idealism. That is something I needed to hear. It was also really cool how the Superdome was full of other people who are committed to changing the world.



I've been home from New Orleans for about 5 days now. I've spent those days resting and unpacking from the trip. Even still, I get really fired up thinking about the trip. I am so thankful I was able to go. It was most definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

New Orleans

As of 2 hours ago I decided to go to New Orleans for the ELCA National Youth Gathering. Joyce called and told me she had an extra stop, and after about 20 minutes of talking with mom and dad about it they said they are cool with me going. So, I'll be in New Orleans for the next week. I'm pretty pumped, since I've never been there. Also, Kate will be there and other people from Witt. It will be great. I'll take pics and update when I get back. Hope you all have a great week!!!