Summer

Whoa... where has the time gone? It's been over a month since I last posted and it's already summer break. I am now a senior at Wittenberg... which is crazy.

So much stuff has happened over the last month. I took part in the World's Largest Doughnut Hole Fight right before going to Heather's bridal shower. Steph and Matt got engaged. I decided I am going to do YKBS until I find a job. I've applied at like 10 places. I have been turned down at like 3 jobs.

I've moved back home and am going to be traveling back and forth between here and Springfield for work. It's going to make for a long summer, but I'm hoping it all works out. But being home has it's issues. I always have a rough time trying to become re-accustomed to not being able to make decisions for myself. The family needs to adjust to me being home too.

I really need to clean my room. there is so much shit in there and most of it I don't know where it came from. That is my project for the next couple days. Hopefully I can get up the gumption to do that.

OK, I need to get some sleep. I have to get Alex up and ready for school tomorrow morning.

House Concert

Tonight was really great. Steph, Kay and I went to a Jenny and Tyler house concert. It was so good. I've been pumped for like a week for this. It's part of what has gotten me though the week.

Well, we didn't really think that it would be awkward to go to someones house that we have never met before, however, when we pulled up to the house and there were like 8 cars in the driveway... we had one of those moment where we weren't sure if this was a good idea.  But being being the brave women that we are, we of course went in because we had driven 30 minutes...  we weren't about to leave before checking it out.

Once in the backyard we started talking with Jenny (from Jenny and Tyler) and Katie (the woman who's house we were at). It was nice chatting and making new friends. Later, we met Tyler (from Jenny and Tyler) and he said that is was cool that we just came even though we knew no one. He said that they have been having a hard time getting outsiders to come.  It was really cool how chill the atmosphere was.  Not only did it not phase the home owner that we crashed, but Jenny and Tyler we so cool to talk to.  They are one of the most down to earth, and cute couple I've met in awhile. 

They played some new music that was a fabulous as their earlier stuff.  I loved their song, One Eyed Cat  Also a lot of their music had a cool social justice message to it.  I really appreciate that.  If someone has an audience then they have the power to create change in the world.  I think Jenny and Tyler have realized that and are using their music to not only share the love of God but also to challenge others to do the same.  That is so awesome! 

No lie, if you haven't listened to their music you HAVE to check them out! I'll link to their albums at the bottom of the post.  They are so good, and totally worth it.  Also, if you sign up for their mailing list on their website will get a free Acoustic Album sent to your email.  They don't really email out too often, so it's a good deal.

But does it matter?

Easter was like 2 days ago. Because of this I've been faced with the story that we celebrate this time of year. It's taken me a couple days to really mull over what it is we believe. Pastor Marsha (the one from where I work) challenged us to really think about if we actually believe Easter matters. If I'm honest, it really depends on the day.

On the one hand, I think that if God is a loving God (like I KNOW He is) then of course Jesus' death and resurrection makes everyone OK by default.

On the other hand, if that were true, then why would Jesus have had to come out of the tomb? I mean, he beat death, whether we knew it or not and so once he came back to life he could have just peaced out. God could have beamed him up right out of the tomb... no heavy lifting necessary.

However, that's not how it went down. He stepped out of the tomb and scared the living daylights out of Mary Magdalene and the other women and later his disciples as well.

He stepped out and then had his disciples do the same. He could have stopped after he told his buddies that he was OK, but instead he had them spread the word. He said "therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptising them, in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" (Matthew 28:19) And they did it.

It seems to me if this was all made up they would have done no such thing. Why die a cruel and painful death to protect a lie. Someone would have ratted them out... yet no one changed their story.

I know that I believe in Jesus, and a lot of these questions stem from a discomfort with evangelism and the fear of my friends going to Hell. I have a hard time thinking a loving God would send them to Hell, but maybe He would.

What do you all think? Is this a legit concern or am I over-thinking everything? Should I just believe what I was taught in Sunday school or should I continue to be critical of the doctrine I don't understand? Some feedback would be greatly appreciated. :)

Campus Ministry House

Oh man... I am so pumped for next year!

Recently there had been talk about turning the former Chi O house into the Campus Ministry house. Well, guess who will be living there? If you guessed me, you are so right!

This is probably my only chance to live in a house with like 11 other Christians. We can make this so cool. The kitchen is wonderful, the bedrooms are huge, and there is so much more that is awesome about this house.

I really hope that campus recievs this well. I know there was a lot of animosity about the Chi Os getting kicked off. They didn't want to house to stay empty so somewhere along the lines the idea for a Campus Ministries house came into being, and now it's a reality.

Anyways, I'm really excited for it. I'm hoping to create a new blog where myself and oher members of the house post updates and keep people in the loop. It could be cool.

Why did the kid throw a clock?

Because he wanted to see time fly...

It is nearly the end of Spring Break of my Junior year. Where has all of this time gone??? For real. I feel like just last week I was sitting with my housemates behind our house just chillin' and enjoying the weather. Then I blinked and I only have a month and a half left in the school year. It is crazy how time works.

I turn 21 in approximately 4 days. I don't feel this old, but apparently I am. When I drove Sarah to school today I heard an Usher song that came out when I was in High School on the radio. That wouldn't have been a big deal but it was on the "retro music" segment of the morning show. When did 2004 become retro??? A little bit more understandable was when later in the day they called "All-Star" by Smash Mouth a blast from the past. I think it was released in like 1999, so like Elementary School. But dear God! I feel like an old fart. Music I grew up hearing debut on the radio is being called retro and old... what does that make me?

Anyways, yes. The big 2 1 is coming up. I know I should be really excited, but I don't really care that much. I mean, cool, I'll be able to legally drink with my friends, but my life won't really change that much. I don't see me being one of those people who turns 21 and goes wild and crazy. But only time will tell I guess.

One year ago today

That is when Peter died. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I mean, I didn't know him very well. We sorta hung out with the same people, but generally speaking, hadn't talked all that much.



I was doing ok. I made it through a facebook status or two and a tweet. Then I went to chrck my email... Mom had sent me a forward about a teacher who told all her students that they make a difference in her life. She put a ribbon on their shirts then handed them three more. One student took it to a buisness man who had helped him figure out his career goals and passed on the extras telling him to do the same. The buisness man gave one to his boss telling him to pass it on. The boss went home and sat down with his son. He told his son what had happened and said that he couldn't think of anyone more deserving that his son to have the last ribbon. The son broke down crying and said that he had spend the afternoon writing a suicide note. He was going to kill himself when his parents went to bed. He never thought his parents cared about him.



This simple act of letting people know how much they mean to you litterally saved this boy's life. Sometimes I wonder if that would have saved Peter. If one more person had said they loved him, they cared about him and what happened to him mattered I wonder if he would still be here. He couldn't have known how deeply this would effect so many people. Even people like me who didn't know him well feel the loss.



Ok, time to get back to studying for Midterms... I hate exam weeks. They are the worst.

Big Changes

There has been a big change in my life this week. I quit CWS. It's really weird to have that not be a part of my schedule anymore. I mean, since the first or second week of freshman year I have been either singing in or planning the service. But no more.

I had very little passion for the ministry anymore, and even worse, I was starting to resent it. I never wanted to go on Sunday and I would feel so guilty about that. I don't think I've been at all this semester.

Part of me wonders if I am just crossing off all of the ministries from the list of ones I used to do, or am I actually hearing God? Am I just being lazy? I don't think it would have been good for me to keep going since I didn't like the service.

It's kinda hard right now. I feel like so much of what made me me my freshman and sophmore years is no longer a part of who I am. I don't do CWS, I don't go to WCA, I don't go to Primetime (though I am trying it out again). And I ended up not leading YoungLife. All of those campus ministries that were once a part of my identity are no long there. So, I'm kinda floundering. I'm trying to figure out who I am now. What makes up who I am?

I've been told to ask God how he thinks of me, but I have a hard time understanding his answer. And I feel like the Bible just says generic things like "made in God's image" and "you are God's workmanship". That's all well and good, but I need more concrete answers... I need actual descriptions of who he sees me as. I need real answers, not the generic, this applies to anyone answers. I want to know who I am so I can be confident enough to live that way.

But somehow I feel like that won't ever really happen. I will always have to struggle with identity. The struggle with identity is all throughout the Bible, so at least I'm in good company.

Lent

So, it is Lent. Time to decide what to give up, or take on, or whatever it is that you do.

This year, I didn't think I was going to give anything up, but then my friends and I were talking about "Christianese." Christianese is the words and phrases that are common in Christian circles but everyone else is like 'what the hell is that supposed to mean?' As my friends and I were discussing it, I realized that this insider talk has really seeped into my daily life. That realization along with the fact that insider speak can dissuade people who aren't privy to what you know has caused me to look at the way I communicate with people.

This year I am giving up Christianese for Lent. Words and phrases like, "bless her/his heart", "love on", "Fellowship", "guard your heart" and other such words and phrases. The motivation behind this is to make my communication with my friends who may not know what I am trying to say better. Also, this makes me pay attention to what I'm saying. I don't just throw churchy words around without thinking about what I mean. I have to articulate my ideas in more direct language.

Ok, so that is where I am. Just thought I would share. :)

Sounds of Hope

Wow, last night's concert went sooooo well!!! I am so happy with it. I was a little nervous about the performers because I had never heard any of them perform but my leap of faith was well rewarded. All five of them were incredibly talented and so much fun to listen to. It was awesome. Last I heard we raised about $300 dollars between the $1 raffle tickets and just straight up donations for Doctors Without Borders. I am just blown away.

But Wittenberg isn't done supporting Haiti yet. Tonight is another concert that I am absolutely pumped for. Conor planned a Just Eve and Wittmen Crew concert. He has already made about $400 via tshirt sales and ticket sales for CRUDEM Hospital Sacre Coeur in Milot, Haiti. I'm so happy for him! Also for the Super Bowl this Sunday Sodexo said they would donate 10% of all proceeds from food purchases to Doctors Without Borders! That is huge!!!!

I'm not going to lie... I wasn't sure I could get everything done in time since I had to get my appendix out. But my friends really stepped up and helped out SO much!!! I am crazy thankful that they are as awesome as they are. Like I have no words for how amazing they are. Literally... no words.

OK, I'm going to try and go back to sleep for a few hours, but we will see if that will actually happen... :D

Bye Bye Appendix

I just got my appendix out yesterday.

I thought that I had the flu on Thursday but by that night I was in a lot of pain. When the pain continued into Friday I called mom and told her I needed to come home. We decided on the ride home that I should go to the ER before going home home. So we went to the Dublin hospital (which is a really nice place.) and they did a CT scan and blood work on me and saw that my appendix were inflamed and my white blood cell count was up. They decided that I needed to get an appendectomy. They did it laproscopically and that means I won't take nearly as long as I would have if I had a normal surgery.

That being said this is making the concert planning a bit more difficult. Most of our stuff is done, but I still need to be able to get some last minute stuff done. oh well. At least I'm starting to feel better, but right now I need to sleep.

Too Big for Me

Today was a day that everything felt too big for me to handle. The concert, my future, my homework, my relationships, my social contact. All of it. Was. Just. Too. Much. I was absolutely overwhelmed. It felt like I was trying to walk through molasses. Not good. It was like I wasn't (and if I'm entirely honest, still am not) comfortable in my own skin. I tried to talk to Kate tonight and it was like that awkward acquaintances kinda conversation. I hated it, so I peaced out quick. And when I went to dinner with Martha I couldn't get out of my own head to really listen to her. I hate it when I'm like that. It's an awful way to treat a friend.

This afternoon I had the closest thing to a panic attack that I've had in a while. The magnitude of what I am trying to do and the impossible-ness of me shaking off this procrastination that plagues my life hit me in the middle of Spanish. I held it in until I got home for like 3 minutes and literally had to talk myself into continuing on with this concert. I don't know what's wrong with me right now. Most days I would say that I really do like being me; today is not one of those days. I would rather be pretty much anyone but me.

God, I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm awkward and insecure and all sorts of things that I don't like. It's yucky and needs to end now!

I'm going to bed. I'm too tired from fighting this all day.

Concert Time Again

Back in the day when I was still a High School-er some friends and I planned a benefit concert for the Invisible Children.



Well, I'm at it again. This time, however, the proceeds are going to either go towards the Red Cross, or Doctors Without Borders. I am also considering Church World Service. The one I am leaning towards most is probably Doctors Without Borders because a) they don't have the "christian" stigma attached to them, and b) they seem to be better stewards of the money that the Red Cross. By that I mean that a higher percent of the donation will go straight to helping Haiti instead of paying someones salary. I love the Red Cross, they are fabulous, but in this case I feel we may want to go with more money helping Haiti. Also, the Doctors Without Borders will stay in the country with very little regard for how dangerous it gets. The Red Cross may need to pull out if the violence gets to be too much.



So, that's what's on my plate right now. I'm shooting to have this on Friday, February 5. I talked to PR about it and emailed Kristen Collier about it. I also have discussed this at length with Kay, Nat, and Mary. They are all on board to help in any way. Kay and Mary are going to design the posters and potentially the shirts (if we get some).



Specifics:



Money:

$2 cover charge

$10 Event T Shirt (?)

Donated food (price depending)



Musical Acts:


Micah Bonsell

William the Accountant (?)


Joey Hendrickson (?)

There is also potential for more acts to be added along the way.

So, yeah. That's just a little peek into the life of me I suppose. These next couple weeks are going to be busy.

Contact

I know this probably sounds odd and maybe even a bit creepy, but have really been craving human touch recently. I don't know why. I just really want some skin to skin contact (not like that pervert). I guess it helps me keep from being numb to everything. I get in these moods where I feel entirely isolated from everyone around me, even people I am really close with. I mean, for most people there has to be at least some form of relationship before you will have any physical contact (handshakes don't count). Feeling their touch reminds me that we are all connected and they do care for me.

Along those lines, I really hate sleeping by myself. It's funny because that's pretty much the only thing I do. When I'm home sometimes Alex and I fall asleep on the couch while watching TV/movies. I love that. I really just want someone to cuddle with here at school. I don't really feel like any of my friends are really into that.

Even something as simple as a shoulder rub would be nice. I mean, I was totally spoiled when I was in Tetelestai way back in the day. It was an odd day if we didn't have a hug line or massage lines. I feel like no one does that here. That kinda became one of the ways I showed friends that I cared for them, but I don't know that anyone is receptive to that here.

I guess I'm just feeling whinny tonight. Now it's time to go to bed... alone... again. :-/

Haiti

I'm feeling that old familiar restlessness stirring up in my soul again. It has been so long since this old friend has paid me a visit that I almost forgot what it feels like.

The disaster in Haiti is absolutely breaking my heart. Add to it the ignorant comments made by Pat Robertson about the earthquake being retribution for the Haitians 'making a pact with the devil' and all I want to do is pack a bag and make my way to the city of Port-au-Prince.

I was joking about this with my housemates while I was making dinner today. I'm not sure the recognized the truth behind what I was saying. People don't understand how hard it is for me to not just up and leave sometimes. There were nights after Katrina and the Tsunami that I litterally cried myself to sleep because I couldn't go help. Not to sound melodramatic, but it litterally feels like my heart is ripping in two.

I am a fixer. I need to do something to fix people's lives that are in turmoil like this. I'm not talking about solving all of their problems, but simple things. Things like getting them fresh water, and reasonably priced food. Even simple first aid. These are things I can help with. However, instead I am staying here. I have a job, classes, and other responsibilities. I wish I wasn't tied down and that I was able to go and do something.

I know that praying is a huge help. We worship a big and powerful God. But it doesn't feel like enough. I feel the need to do more, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to just be some "well-meaning American" I really want to help these people. I want to do something to aleviate some pain from the situation.

I just don't know how...

What the Past Held, and the Future Holds

A realization struck me over break. I have 3 semesters left at Witt. Sure I can go to grad school, but that is not the same. I love my friends so much. I have finally found people who love me and accept me for who I am and don't expect me to be someone I'm not. I really don't want to leave this community. I have been through so much over the last 2.5 years. I know there is more to come and 3 semesters is a long time, but it's still a little overwhelming. There are moments that I will never forget. My favorite moments are:

• Playing hide and seek in Meijer with Katie B., Katie C., and Steve.
• Three trips through the McDonald's drive-thru so we didn't have to pay people back.
• Sitting in the chapel after CWS rehearsal with Kate Longtin talking about everything from boys to ghosts.
• Watching Ghost Hunters with Kate and cooking in her apartment
• Playing Guitar Hero with whoever would play.
• Odd-Hour food dates with Natalie in the CDR booths
• Prime-time prayer meetings on Wednesday nights.
• Girls Bible Study (both freshman and sophomore years)
• Leading a PT Bible Study with Megan
• Discipleship with Ashley
• Midnight t-hos runs with the girls
• Staying up and talking all night with Martha
• Playing ultimate Frisbee in a rain storm with the girls from the 3rd floor.
• Fall Break DC trip with Alyssa, Amanda, and Sarah D.
• Coffee dates with friends.
• Peer Helper training
• When I told Nat and Kay that I got the youth director job and getting tackled in their excitement.
• Building a fort in the living room and falling asleep in their (many times)
• Starting the "Happy Thoughts" wall
• Writing a song in the shower
• Putting the words from the shower to music.
• Watching Lost and having a Lost day
• Star gazing
• Thanksgiving dinner with the girls from 631
• When Grant came to visit
• Learning the Hoedown Throwdown
• Playing Hacky-Sack
• Having a girly movie night
• Communivale

There are more, I'm just tired of trying to think of them all. Overall the last 2.5 years have been fantastic. I love where I am and don't want to leave. However that is not an option. I have to leave, so now it's time to figure out what I'm going to do when I do leave. I know I am going to take a year and do LVC (hopefully in either DC, Chicago or Seattle). After that I'm pretty sure I will go back to school, but I really don't know what for. There are a number of things I could see myself doing and being happy with it.

I could be a pastor. I enjoy sharing what I learn from the Bible with other people and to have the added bonus of having studied it (and will have continued). The problem is that I don't think I will be able to handle the political-ness that comes along with working in a church. Also, I am scared that if I was to work in a church for a long time I would lose the "wildness" that is my faith. I have taken time to refine my faith and how I relate to God, however I am not scared of telling someone they are wrong if they are acting contrary to the character of God. Its like, when you see a lion in the wild you can see a certain fire and wildness in their eyes. But when you see a lion in the zoo that fire has died down and they are much more tame. I don't what to be tamed. I like the wildness of my faith. I think that is an important image. There is a reason they called Jesus the Lion from the tribe of Judah. Jesus wasn't tame, and we are called to be Christ-like. When we become tame we no-longer are acting in line with Jesus.

Another option is for me to be a professor. I love sharing what I know with other people. And I love the college atmosphere. Also, I honestly feel like the best way to help people is to educate them. If this is something I am passionate about then I need to actually do something about it, not just talk about it. A problem is that in order to do that I need to get my PHD and in order to do that I need to get into a PHD program. I don't think I have good enough grades for that.

I could also open a non-profit organization that's whole purpose is to take in kids (read 12 years old through 21 years old) who have nowhere to live and give them the opportunity to change their stars (as William Thatcher puts it). It would be set up in a house where the kids would live (along with my family) and we would function as a whole family unit. The would have chores, and "study tables" and would have privileges that can be taken away if they break a rule. And school would be necessary. Also, they would have to allow us to make them get drug tests done. It would allow them somewhere safe to live and guaranteed food on the table and the chance to not worry about things that get in the way of their studies. Ideally this is what I would love to do, but it doesn't pay well. Hopefully I will have a biological family that will need to be provided for. I suppose my husband would be working and I could work as well, but I don't really know where. I suppose I could open a coffee shop in conjunction with the organizations (tentatively called The Rahab House) and then use the revenue to support my family. Also the older kids could work (for real wages) and learn how to support themselves and eventual family. I don't think I would make the kids go to church, but I would encourage it. I understand not wanting to go, so I wouldn't want to force that on anyone.

By the looks of this analysis it seems like I'm most passionate about the Rahab House, but I don't know if I can do it. I suppose I have some praying to do.

I guess I didn't get the gift of discernment. I need to pray for that as well.

OK, Alex has his pinewood derby tomorrow, so I should get a bit of sleep before I have to leave. I'm back on campus tomorrow night! Can't wait.

Julie & Julia

I just watched Julie & Julia tonight. It was really good. I felt a certain connection with the ladies in the movie because of my new-found love of cooking. I love it. It is a fantastic escape from a bad day in class or just a break from homework. And the best part of it? Its something I can do with and for other people. I mean, everyone needs to eat, so why not make enough to share?

The movie also re-kindled my desire to do something. Julia Child revolutionised the way people cooked. She made French cooking accessible to normal Americans like myself. I love that. And Julie decided to add something to her life to break out of the monotony.

I need that... I need to find a project to get out of the day after day routine. I would love to find something to do. Both women started their projects out of the need to do something. I need to find mine.

Maybe I'll stumble over one like these lovely ladies did. Who knows...

In and Out of Funk

Twice in less than a week I've been in a funk. Both times have revolved around my singleness and insecurities about myself resulting from my singleness. Twice my housemates have been the ones who pull me out of it.

Last Thursday night I had a rough time and was talking to Kate on IM about it. I was getting a bit more emotional that normal and started to cry and at that exact moment Kayla walked by. I think it surprised her to see me so upset, but maybe not. After I took a minute to "compose" myself I went down stairs to we could watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium like we had planned. After the movie I talked to Natalie and Kayla about what I had been thinking and how much it was hurting me. I don't know, somehow they got me laughing and from there on out for the rest of the night and the days to come I was good. It was like the breakdown never happened.

Then tonight happened. I know I should know better, but I skipped class today because I just wanted a break. Because of that I had an hour and a half to myself to think about whatever and once again my mind went to my lack of boyfriend. I was arguing with God (in my head) when Nat came up to see what I was doing. We talked for a couple hours and then we decided that it was a good night for her to learn how to play poker. So I taught her the basics and we played until Kayla was off the phone with her boyfriend then she joined us. When Kayla started playing it just bumped the fun up a couple notches. I mean, two person poker is OK, but three person is even better. They both kicked my ass tonight, but I'm not worried. I'll get them next time. I also am not sure I've laughed that hard in a long time. It was wonderful.

I am so thankful that I am living with them. They are wonderful and really do make my days so much better.

Not Sure How to React

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because of the whole H1N1 pandemic Wittenberg is telling it's students that if they feel sick and have a fever, cough or sore throat that they should not go to class. While they are saying that the professors are still using attendance as part of the grade. This doesn't make sense. I have a really hard time deciding if I should stay home and rest and take care of myself when I know I've already missed 2 classes and the professor only gives 3 freebies. I don't want my grade docked because I have a cough and low fever. But with this H1N1 craziness that has been going down recently (including Witt's first cases) I feel like if I don't stay home people are going to be kinda annoyed. Like, I missed a day of class because of a nasty migraine a couple weeks ago. My professor's first words to me were "are you healthy?" when he saw me in the ceramics room the next day. That being said, he is also the professor who has said that my missing class is getting into the "effect your grade" range. How am I supposed to miss class when I know it is going to lower my grade? I'm stuck. I can either stay home and lose points or I can go to class and risk getting everyone sick. What do I do with that? Take now for example; I have had a fever off and on all day, along with a nasty cough, a headache and soreness all over my body. All symptoms are pointing to the flu, but when I skipped class today I felt incredibly guilty and scared that it was going to effect my grade. I don't want to run to the Health Center for every case of the flu I get but that seems to be the only way for me to miss class and not worry about my grade. I don't know. What do you think about this?

Mind Dump

Thoughts and stuff about the last month:

1. I have had 2 really awesome conversations with Kate Longtin. It's been really good talking with her about stuff that is on my mind. It is great that even though she is in Missouri and I am in Ohio that we can still stay close.
2. I am really enjoying my life. I feel like I am starting to be able to just enjoy where I am when I am there. I was reading Lamb again and came a crossed something. It is Joshua talking to his Kung Fu master. Joshua says "Why did we set up twenty posts if we were only going to use three?" His Kung Fu master answers "Why were you thinking of twenty when you can only stand on one?" I love that. I love the realization that stressing about the future and thinking about the past doesn't do anything. I can only take one day at a time so why should I worry about what is to come?
3. I am basically at peace with God. This is probably the first time in years that He and I have not been at odds over some decision. It is a wonderful feeling.
4. I hate being sick. I have been coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and aching for about a week now. I'm totally done with it. I just want to be able to breath again and to not feel exhausted after 3 hours of class. But I am slowly getting better. Very slowly. Hopefully by Monday I will be rid of the fever and aches.
5. I have been really into playing guitar again. I didn't play like at all last year so my fingers are sore after I play but I love it. I am learning more chords and through that more songs. It's great.

Ok, well my head is starting to hurt and I really should go to sleep before the sun comes up. Also, I am hoping to go to church before heading back to campus. So, good night all.

Junior Year

Oh man guys! I am a JUNIOR IN COLLEGE!!!! What the hell? When did I get so old? It's blowing my mind! Anyways, yeah. It's been cool becoming an actual adult. I've been cooking, cleaning, helping pay bills (kinda, I mean, I don't get paid until the 15th, so yeah.)



Right now my housemates and I are hang out behind our appartment Natalie is coloring, Kayla is making a playlist of a dance party we want to have and I am, well, writing this blog post. It is awesome. It's like so crazy that this is real life. I mean, it's so surreal. But anyways, yeah.

Things I'm thinking:

1. I love the weekends. All I have done is hang out with my housemates and just enjoy life. It's is so nice not to have to freak out about stuff. I love being this chill.
2. My classes are FANTASTIC! I love them all. I'm getting better at ceramics, Old Testament is with Kaiser, so of course I love that. My two night classes are long, but very interesting, so I'm cool with them.
3. I've decided to stop feeling bad about being single and just live in the moment instead of the future. I am missing the things that happen around me because I am always thinking that the next guy I meet may, in fact, be the one I live the rest of my life with. I am just going to enjoy and when I meet him I meet him. No worries. When I do start to feel bad for myself, I'm going to pray for him.
4. That being said, I really want a baby. Is that bad? I don't think so because I am 20. I've had the abillity to have kids for the last 6-7 years. It's normal I think? Maybe?

Speaking of being in the moment, I need to go start thinking about making dinner. I'm gonna peace out. Catch you all later. <3