Enjoy the Silence: Day 4

Day 4: Hebrews 4:12-16

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are —yet he did not sin.  

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Is it possible to put the word of God into a coma?  If it is, I think I may have done that when I became a religion major.  Because I studied the Bible at school, people seem to think I have some greater understanding of it personally.  It’s like they think I have God’s home number on speed dial and he and I go for coffee dates on a regular basis.  News flash: not so much. 

The summer before I left for college it was like every time I opened the Bible God would show me something new or clarify something old.  I was constantly being awestruck by the awesomeness of God and his goodness.  As my freshman year when on those interactions became fewer and fewer as the number of papers grew.  Now I get more inspiration for reading Harry Potter than from reading my Bible.  Like I said, I think I put it in a coma.

Nothing I have done has helped to wake it up.  Going through this book has been a huge leap of faith for me.  I was scared this would be no different than all the other times I have tried to connect with the spirit of God but failed.  So far, it has not returned empty.

When I read verse thirteen before it felt like a threat.  It was almost as if God was saying I needed to behave myself or he would send me to hell.  When I read the same verse this time it was an entirely different experience.  It was comforting.  It was saying that my God, the creator of everything we can see and touch sees me. 

He sees what I love.  He sees what hurts me.  He sees my loneliest nights and my most joyful days.  He knows where my heart is wounded even better than I do.  He sees everything. 

This new understanding of the verse changes the way the rest of the passage reads.  Jesus wasn’t slumming when he came to earth to die.  He came to prove his love and to understand what we go through, that way he can gently lead us to his grace and mercy. 

Not only does he see my loneliness, but he understands it.  He has felt it.  He has felt betrayed by friends.  He has experiences the death of a friend.  It stands to reason that he has also experiences the joy of weddings and births.  He understands all of human existence because he has lived it. 

Now, however, he welcomes us to experience a new existence.  All of that bad stuff won’t go away; but we won’t be alone in it.  I am not alone, not matter how much it feels like I am.  I don’t have to fight this battle alone.  My high priest fights along side of me.  I can’t even put into words how incredible that is.  I am not alone.

Enjoy the Silence: Day 3

Day 3: Isaiah 6:1-8

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple.   Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.

And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
    the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Send me.  Two words that I say, though the phrase doesn’t always end in the exclamation point that Isaiah uses.  When I say that, it tends to be less of a ‘ooo ooo, pick me!!” and more of a “for the love of … fine I will go.” 

When I interact with God I tend to be super needy.  Notice me.  Love me.  Save me.  Forgive me.  Bless me.  All of these are things I have asked of God.  Sometimes I will pray and ask for God to show me what he wants me to do, or what his plan is for me.  When I do that, though, it is really a selfish prayer.  I usually just want life to be easier, not to further the Kingdom of God. 

This past year has been marked by death; both of people I love and an image of myself I have held for such a long time.  Out of all of this death came a calling to new life.  Relationships have been/are being reconciled and restored.  Dreams are being shifted.  Priorities are being realigned. 

When Isaiah first saw God his reaction was “woe is me”.  He said he was ruined.  God met him there and made a way for Isaiah to be in community with God.  God cleansed his lips which removed the barrier between Isaiah and God.

I don’t have to worry about that now.  I have a Great High Priest in the Kingdom of God.  Jesus intercedes for me, but I should still feel some awe when looking God in the face.  I don’t.  I hope someday I will. 

I want to be used for great things, but right now it isn’t always for God’s glory but my own.  I want greatness for me.  Greatness means I succeeded.  My reaction to some of God’s callings might be different if I longed to bring God glory, not prove my worth to him.  I never can do that.  I’m not worth the grace and mercy I have been given.  Ye it is mine for the taking.  So I say;

            “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty; the whole earth is filled with his glory.”

Enjoy the Silence: Day 2

Day 2: Jeremiah 31:16-25

This is what the LORD says:

“Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the LORD.  “They will return from the land of the enemy.  So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the LORD.  “Your children will return to their own land.

“I have surely heard Ephraim’s moaning: ‘You disciplined me like an unruly calf, and I have been disciplined.  Restore me, and I will return, because you are the LORD my God.  After I strayed, I repented; after I came to understand, I beat my breast.  I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth.’  Is not Ephraim my dear son, the child in whom I delight?  Though I often speak against him, I still remember him.  Therefore my heart yearns for him; I have great compassion for him,” declares the LORD.

“Set up road signs; put up guideposts.  Take note of the highway, the road that you take.  Return, Virgin Israel, return to your towns.  How long will you wander, unfaithful Daughter Israel?  The LORD will create a new thing on earth— the woman will return to the man.”

This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “When I bring them back from captivity, the people in the land of Judah and in its towns will once again use these words: ‘The LORD bless you, you prosperous city, you sacred mountain.’  People will live together in Judah and all its towns—farmers and those who move about with their flocks.  I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”

When I read this passage the first time a few of the verses struck me.  Some of them were like a punch in the gut; others not so much.  Either way, my head was spinning. 

This is what the LORD says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the LORD. (vs. 16)

For the last few months I have felt pretty useless.  More than that, I felt like I was back in gym class getting picked last for kickball.  I can’t even say how many nights I fell asleep crying because I felt worthless.  I love spending time with the kids at church, but when I hear about my classmates (from high school and college) who have, like, real jobs.  It feels like people look down on my for the way I spend my time. 

When I read verse sixteen I really felt like God was telling me to stop comparing myself to other people.  What I’m doing is not worthless.  I am not last picked.  I need to keep my chin up and keep moving on. 

Is not Ephraim my dear son, the child in whom I delight?  Though I often speak against him, I still remember him.  Therefore my heart yearns for him; I have great compassion for him,” declares the LORD. (vs. 20)

I have a hard time believing that I really matter to people.  I know I am friends with people but it is really hard for me to understand that I might be closer than just friends with people.  I’m not a burden.  I have people who want to spend time with me.  Verse twenty says that not only am I a child of God, but a dear child of God.  Not just that, but He does desire to spend time with me.  He yearns for me. 

How long will you wander, unfaithful Daughter Israel?  (vs. 22)

While God desires to spend time with me, he is willing to let me wander.  Verse twenty-two presents the question as ‘how long’ not him saying ‘I’m gonna come drag you back kicking and screaming’.  While he longs for me to come back, he is patient and waits for me to decide on my own to return to him. 

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”  (vs. 25)

When I do return feeling beat down and exhausted God doesn’t add on to the bruise count.  Instead he nurses me back to myself.  He refreshes me.  He provides real love for my soul when I am faint and starved for that love.  He is a comforter, no matter what hurtful things I have said to him.  He always comes through when I am stretched way to thin, and I am so thankful that I can rely on him for that.  

*Read Day 1 here.

Enjoy the Silence: Day 1

***The other day I found a book I bought back in High School.  It’s called Enjoy the Silence: A 30 Day Experimentin Listening to God by Maggie Robbins and Duffy Robins.  It is all about lectio divina, which is literally means “divine reading”.  It’s a meditative reading method that is supposed to help read the Bible for deeper meaning.  When I saw the book I thought it might be time to actually try to go through it.  And that always works better if I feel like I am being held accountable (whether anyone reads this or not, I can always pretend).  So, here we go.***

Day 1: Luke 8:4-15

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up.  Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture.  Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants.  Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”
 When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
His disciples asked him what this parable meant.  He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,
   “‘though seeing, they may not see;
   though hearing, they may not understand.’
“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God.  Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.  Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.  The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.  But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. 

I am unsure what soil describes the state of my heart right now.  I desperately want my heart to be good soil, but I think it has a tendency to be rocky or full of weeds.  Often I don’t give myself time to let the word of God to sink in.  As one friend put it, I don’t really let myself savor the presence of God.  I’m not good at that.  Also, I worry about everything.  So much anxiety.  So much angst.  I try so hard to trust God with my plans and stuff, but it is so freaking scary.  On the other hand, I have noticed me being more willing to hand things over.  Maybe God is weeding the garden of my heart.

I read it again, and noticed that all four soil types actually heard the word of God.  The difference comes in the way the word of God developed and grew in the hearers’ heart.  The word didn’t sink in at all on the path.  The word couldn’t really put down roots with the rocks in the way.  The word put down roots, but couldn’t produce fruit because of the weeds.  In the good soil the word sank deep, put down roots and grew to produce fruit.

Good soil doesn’t just happen.  It takes a lot of work.  In Buffalo we seeded a yard.  At first the ground was hard and compacted.  We went over it with rakes to break it up, and then we cleared out the rocks and weeds.  The job took for-freaking-ever, even with 18 of us working at it.  After that we sowed the seeds and went back over it with the rakes.

I think God does the same.  He softens our hard hearts.  He clears out the rocks and debris so his word can take root.  As it grows, he weeds out the distractions as we let him.  He does all this work only to have to go over our hearts again so his word really sinks in.  In the end we produce a bumper crop.  This excess of spiritual fruits overflows from us.  That overflow can affect our neighbors whose hearts God has been softening up. 

Gardening takes so much time and effort and you get so messy doing it.  I am so thankful we have a God who is not afraid of getting messy and working hard even when we actively fight against him.

Love Wins

So, I just finished reading Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived by Rob Bell.  I really appreciated what he had to say.  It is interesting, because a lot of Christians have taken the message of the book as saying the Bell doesn't believe in Hell.  However that is not true.  Bell seems to believe in Hell, he just believes that God can change a person's heart when they are there.  This idea of a postmortem conversion is one that I agree with.  Earlier this year I tried to articulate this position to friends, but none of them really understood what I was saying.  I can't really blame them for thinking I had gone off the deep end; this is not a commonly talked about theology.  At least not until recently.  Bell's book argued what I have been thinking for the last year or so. 

I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of Hell.  I know that it has to exist, because my understanding is one of a duality.  Like Newton said, for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.  I think the same is true for Heaven.  If Heaven exists, and I'm mostly sure that is does, then there has to be a place opposite of that as well.  This place must be the ultimate bad place, since heaven is the ultimate good.  So, that is not something that makes me uncomfortable.  What does make me uncomfortable is when we limit God's ability to save us through the sacrifice of his son. 

God can do whatever he wants.  I have a really hard time with people saying that Jesus, who conquered death, can't go into Hell and give people another chance.  The idea that God would accept defeat that easily does not line up with the parables we see in the Bible.  When the woman loses one of her gold coins, what does she do?  Does she look around for a bit then give up?  No!  She searches until she finds that coin.  When the shepherd lost his sheep he leaves the rest of his flock and does not come back until that little lamb is on his shoulders, safely home.  Why would Jesus not do the same? 

Overall, Bell presents and argument that I do agree with.  I will admit that sometimes his writing style is a bit much.  I.
Just.
Don't.
Like.
It.
Seriously, use complete sentences.  It's not that hard.  And I do agree with one of my friends who found it entirely obnoxious that pretty much the entire first chapter was made up of questions.  Be that as it may, they were good questions.  So all in all I definitely liked the book.

Chazown By Craig Groeschel

Chazown is a really interesting and thought provoking book. Craig Groeschel leads you through a number of different categories and life circumstances that help in the discovery of what it is that God created you for. He helps you to discover what your core values and your spiritual gifts are, as well as what past experiences helped form you into the person God desires you to be. According to Groeschel, where these three overlap you can see what God's vision is for you life (your Chazown).

It is a very well written and well thought out book with a strong biblical base. I had a difficult time with was that some of the chapters seemed to be geared towards someone who was older than my 21 years. Eventually, however, I will be at the point in my life where those chapters fit better. So, that's not much of a quarrel, and more of a need to wait and read it again later.

This book is absolutely worth the money ($14.99) that it is listed for on the back cover. It facilitated many nights of retrospection and introspection. Both of those lead to some very surprising, and oddly comforting, realizations about my life and future. I would highly recommend this book.

Buy it here.