Contact

I know this probably sounds odd and maybe even a bit creepy, but have really been craving human touch recently. I don't know why. I just really want some skin to skin contact (not like that pervert). I guess it helps me keep from being numb to everything. I get in these moods where I feel entirely isolated from everyone around me, even people I am really close with. I mean, for most people there has to be at least some form of relationship before you will have any physical contact (handshakes don't count). Feeling their touch reminds me that we are all connected and they do care for me.

Along those lines, I really hate sleeping by myself. It's funny because that's pretty much the only thing I do. When I'm home sometimes Alex and I fall asleep on the couch while watching TV/movies. I love that. I really just want someone to cuddle with here at school. I don't really feel like any of my friends are really into that.

Even something as simple as a shoulder rub would be nice. I mean, I was totally spoiled when I was in Tetelestai way back in the day. It was an odd day if we didn't have a hug line or massage lines. I feel like no one does that here. That kinda became one of the ways I showed friends that I cared for them, but I don't know that anyone is receptive to that here.

I guess I'm just feeling whinny tonight. Now it's time to go to bed... alone... again. :-/

Tetelestai

I went and saw Tetelestai tonight. I was fantastic. I had forgotten how much I love that show. OK, that might be a tiny bit of a lie because I don't think I will ever forget how much that show means to me. It changed me a lot. It changed me for the better. Before that show I was a quiet, insecure girl who had very little idea or passion about what she believed. After the two years of the show I was more comfortable with who I was and knew what I believed. It really was a turning point in my life.

That being said, I regret that time of my life. I regret that I didn't branch out more within the cast. I regret that I only got close to a handful of people, most of whom I don't talk to anymore. I regret not realizing that those years would fly by faster than I wanted them to.

I am so thankful to have had the chance to be in those casts with the people I was with. So many of them made an impact on my life and neither of us even realized it at the time. I see now how my experiences have helped to make me who I am today.

I hope that the kids in the cast realize that they are a part of something bigger than themselves. Those people they get dressed up in funny costumes and smear body makeup on every weekend will help make them who they are when they get to be as old as me. those memories, inside jokes, host family experiences and everything else that make Tetelestai so unique will stay with them for as long as they let it.