Time for a New Adventure

I have a deep need to find a community where I can be damaged, cynical, and really wrestle with what God is speaking into my life.  I have interacted with so many people who just need a safe space to really figure out where they fall on the question of religion.  We need a safe place to ask dangerous questions.  Questions that can lead to drastic change in our lives.  We need a sancutary for religious exploration and biblical learning.  One where we stop taking things at face value and learn to really dive in and think for ourselves.  

Where there is no vision the people perish. (Proverbs 29:18)  I don’t think that just means that we need good leadership.  If we are blind to truth for ourselves, no amount of preaching or predigested theology will help us.  We will wither and starve.  We need a place to learn to digest the Word on our own.  Where making mistakes and being broken are ok.  A place where authenticity is applauded, not swept under the rug.

We need a real community where we are all fighting to survive this together.  

That’s what I want to help create.  I don’t know who will come, but I trust God will bring the right people.  I can feel in my bones that I can’t just sit by anymore.  It’s time to try and build this community.  I’m not sure what it’s going to look like, but I just want people to feel loved.

I want people to feel safe to question and doubt.  I want people to not feel like they have to check part of themselves at the door.  I want to whole person, not just the cleaned up version.  I want them, warts and all.  I want this community to be an expression of the love and acceptance that God has for us.  No more feeling that they aren’t good enough.  No more thinking they aren’t worth love.  No more people forcing their beliefs on them, but rather them learning to live out their own faith.  

It’s time to get to work.  Let’s do this.

25 Before 25: Updated

So, on New Year’s Eve I had a realization.  I only have one full year until I am 25.  That means I only have one year and a couple months to finish my 25 before 25 list.  So, I went back and looked at the list.  Some of the things on I’m not really interested anymore.  I’m going to switch some for ones that I actually want to do.  So, here is my updated 25 Before 25 list:

 

My 25 Before 25: Updated

1. Graduate from college
2. Run a 5k
3. Start my own business

4. Go to New York for the New Year's Eve ball drop
5. Become better at slowing down and enjoying the moment
6. Weigh less so I have more energy and get off the sidelines.
7. Get better at Spanish

8. Go paint balling
9. Learn to play the guitar (or ukulele) better
10. Visit Martha in Buffalo
11. Go on a mission trip
12. Move out of my parents' house
13. Buy a car
14. Go geocaching and actually find something
15. Help (at least) one person to become more compassionate toward the world outside of the USA
16. Spend less time angry with God, and more time in praise-filled prayer
17. Go on a road trip
18. Start writing a book.
19. Help build a house (with Habitat or another group)

20. Start working on getting my teaching license.
21. Visit Ground Zero in New York
22. Go to Daytona for the Student Life at the Beach youth conference.
23. Find a community of believers my own age and get plugged in with them. (01-28-2013)
24. Try Deep Fried Kool-Aid

25. Have Breakfast at Tiffany’s 

Some of these I should be able to knock out together.  I already have plans with friends to go to New York for the ball drop this coming New Year’s. I figure we can visit Ground Zero, and I’m sure I can convince at least one of them to have breakfast with me outside of Tiffany’s.  As for some of the others, I’ve got my work cut out for me.

If any of these seem like fun to you, feel free to let me know, and I will bring you along on my adventures.

25 Before 25

I'm not big on the whole "New Year's Resolution" thing. Why should I set myself up with goals that I know I will not meet. I'm done with the weigh less, look prettier, finally find love crap that I always set myself up with.

That being said, I do have things that I would like to do over the next few years. Jon Acuff, the writer of the Stuff Christians Like book as well as the blog by the same name, recently posted his "40 before 40 list". It inspired me to do the same thing. Instead of doing 40 though, I am focusing on a closer birthday. My 25th birthday. That gives me a little over 3 years to accomplish the things on my list. So without further ado, here is my 25 before 25 list.

My 25 Before 25
1. Graduate from college
2. Run a 5k
3. Start my own business
4. Go to Time Square for the New Year's Eve ball drop
5. Become better at slowing down and enjoying the moment
6. Weigh less so I have more energy and get off the sidelines.
7. Learn biblical Hebrew and Greek
8. Take dancing lessons
9. Learn to play the guitar better
10. Visit Martha in Buffalo
11. Go on a mission trip to Haiti
12. Move out of my parents' house
13. Buy my first car
14. Go geocaching and actually find something
15. Help (at least) one person to become more compassionate toward the world outside of the USA
16. Spend less time angry with God, and more time in praise-filled prayer
17. Go on a cross-country road trip
18. Spend time in Seattle
19. Help build a house (with Habitat or another group)
20. Go back to New Orleans to help with the rebuilding
21. Visit Ground Zero in New York
22. Go to Daytona for the Student Life at the Beach youth conference.
23. Go back to DC for a little while
24.Try Deep Fried Kool-Aid
25. Pay off all or most of my student loans (this one may be a stretch, but a girl can dream)

As I accomplish things on this list I will cross them off right here. That way, by my 25th birthday I will have a totally crossed off list. That day will be such a good day; one truly worth celebrating. :)

BTW: If you want to buy Acuff's book (which I would highly suggest), you can do that here.
Or you can check out his blog here.
And here is a link to his "40 before 40 list", just for good measure.

Chazown By Craig Groeschel

Chazown is a really interesting and thought provoking book. Craig Groeschel leads you through a number of different categories and life circumstances that help in the discovery of what it is that God created you for. He helps you to discover what your core values and your spiritual gifts are, as well as what past experiences helped form you into the person God desires you to be. According to Groeschel, where these three overlap you can see what God's vision is for you life (your Chazown).

It is a very well written and well thought out book with a strong biblical base. I had a difficult time with was that some of the chapters seemed to be geared towards someone who was older than my 21 years. Eventually, however, I will be at the point in my life where those chapters fit better. So, that's not much of a quarrel, and more of a need to wait and read it again later.

This book is absolutely worth the money ($14.99) that it is listed for on the back cover. It facilitated many nights of retrospection and introspection. Both of those lead to some very surprising, and oddly comforting, realizations about my life and future. I would highly recommend this book.

Buy it here.

moving

Well, over the next two weekends my family is going to be moving. We didn't end up being able to buy the house. I'm really not ok with this. I don't want to leave my house. We have so many friends near by. I don't want to have to try and restart making relationships with the neighbors. I don't want to have to have a different room, or driveway. I don't want to move.

I don't think its fair. I feel like bad stuff always happens to my family. Every time I think we might be about to catch a break the rug is yanked out from under us and bad shit starts all over again! I'm starting to worry that there will never be an end to it. Is this going to follow me into my adult life as well? Am I going to die a lonely and bitter woman who never had a chance to feel comfortable in her surroundings or her own skin? When will it end?

I have such big hopes and plans, but it's hard to think that I will achieve any of the goals I have set in front of myself. I don't know how to beat it. Dad always tells me he wants me to do better than he did. I don't know how to. I feel like I'm trapped where I am. I will never move up the socio-economic ladder. Not just that, but I will never have the opportunities that I hope and pray are available to me. What do I do with that? How do I fix that? I didn't choose to have all of this thrust onto my shoulders.

I don't feel smart enough to do anything about my desire to be a professor. I don't think I will ever be at that point. Professor just know everything. I don't. No one should listen to me, I have no authority. I act like I know whats happening, but I don't really feel like I do. I feel like it's a fluke that I have gotten this far. Is that possible? Could it be a mistake that I have done well in school?

I feel like I have so many lies to try and fight. Lies like I'm not smart, I am not pretty, I am not worth people's time, I am weak. How can I beat these when I am so tired and I don't feel like many people tell me otherwise? Sometimes I just want to give in to the melancholy and let it consume me. What would be the problem with that? Maybe that is who I really am, maybe my life will be less disappointing if I don't think anything good will ever happen to me. Then I won't be let down.

At it again!

So, we all know how bored I get and how I need little projects to keep me occupied. I have a new one I'm going to work on this summer.

I was talking with my friend Marsha about her organization, Amazing Gifts of Hope, fair trade and human trafficking. She was saying the organization's store is laid out so people can have parties and teach their friends about what many men, women and children around the world suffer through. The promote being aware of how our purchasing habits can effect others in the global community.

It was wonderful hearing her talk about this topic which has weighed so heavily on my heart for the last year. I was moved to do something. So, in true Kate fashion, I offered to pull together a concert to raise awareness. I'm hoping to do it for the end of July or beginning of August. I need to find some music artists to play, but I'm taking it one step as a time.

I'm excited to have another concert to plan. It's becoming one on my favorite things. I love music. I am so happy when something I love works together with my passions. People come to the concerts for the music and (I hope) leave with their eyes opened to the truly blessed life we have here in America. I am thankful that I am in this country of opportunity. I used to feel guilty that I have so much while others have so little. Now I realize I am here for a reason. God doesn't make mistakes. He knew I could use my resources to help people who are on the margins.

If you want to check out the Amazing Gifts of Hope store click here.
If you want to read what Marsha has to say, you can find that here.

Please, if you have a passion for something speak up. You will never know who shares that passion and what opportunities can arise from you teaming up with others.


"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27

Thinking of the Future

Well, I've been thinking about post graduation a lot. I have a couple of ideas. I'm not sure which to pursue.

1. Opening a coffee shop.
This has been a dream of mine for over a decade. I have been designing coffee shops as long as I have been drinking the lovely drink. Not just that, but I could make it a Fair Trade coffee shop. That way, I would be making money while improving the lives of people who are usually cheated. That is incredibly important to me. No matter what I end up doing in the long run, I want to help people.

2. Going to Grad School
This could be either seminary or normal grad school. I don't really know yet. Both sounds appealing for different reasons. I'm not going at discerning if I am being called somewhere, so I'm not sure about seminary. I am a logical thinker. I try not to go with my gut all the time. Because of that I am leaning towards normal grad school; probably at OSU so I can live at home and save money/help out.

3. Doing LVC/AmeriCorp
This can help me to pay for my loans and what not. Also, I would get some real life experience. I feel like this could be a really good chance for me to grow up. In some ways I feel like I am very grown up. In others I still feel like an infant. Plus, if I did the LVC program I could finally go to Seattle. I've always wanted to go there. I would also be living in a community house with my team. It would be a very neat to experience this.

4. The Peace Corps
When I was young I swore I would never want to go into the Peace Corps. But now I find that I was wrong. I really want to travel some day. I want to see the world. This seems like a good chance to do that. And I would be helping people.


At the end of my life I don't want to look back and see that I have accomplished nothing with my life. I want to have a family. I want to help people who need it. I have more than enough to give and still be comfortable. I have a long life ahead of me, I want to do something with it. I just need figure out what to do first.

I'm just sick of it...

I have never been a small girl. I've always been overweight. Even as a child I was one of the bigger girls in my class. But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not really liking how I look and not feeling confident.

I think part of the reason I haven't done anything about the weight problem is because I don't want to get hurt in relationships. Guess what? That didn't work. I'm always getting hurt because I never have relationships progress beyond "just friends".

I'm done with that. I'm done not liking me. I'm done being lazy. I want to feel healthier. I don't want to have the health problems my dad has. Heart disease runs very deep in my family. So does cancer. I don't want to risk that.

All this to say, I'm hopefully going to actually do something about this. And because I respond to peer pressure I'm starting another blog. You can follow it here.

So, that's the deal. Hopefully I'll be in better shape in August and you all at school can see a difference. But we will see.

Things I Am Thinking Right Now...

I haven't done a list in a while so I felt I should remedy that. Actually, I just have a lot of thought going through my head, but that's all they are, thoughts. So, here you go; my thoughts this evening.

1. I love the weather we are having right now. It is 77 degrees outside and there are only the beautiful wispy clouds in the blue sky. It is the perfect weather to sit on my deck with some music and my computer and write.


2. I officially have an apartment. I went to Witt on Tuesday and got the key to the place I will be living for the next two years. I am so excited to get moved in and start visiting friends.


3. I cannot believe I am 20 and halfway done with college. I still feel really young and immature. I suppose that change one day.


4. I want to bring back the Rock for a Change concert. I think I'm going to start planning it for this coming summer. I would love to get House of Heroes and Relient K to play for it. I think the cause we would be raising money for is Me to We/Free the Children. They work together on a lot of projects and both were founded by the brothers Kielburger.


5. I am no longer going to feel bad about my idealism. Luther was an idealist, Mother Theresa was an idealist, and so was most every person who has changed and is changing the world for the better.


6. I am really disliking being single right now. I was talking with Nat the other day about the kind of guy I think I need/want to marry. I want him to be an outdoorsy guys. I want to go canoeing and hiking with him. I would love for him to be able to sing and play guitar. I need him to be a strong Christian. Preferably a "light" guy to balance out my "darkness" as my friend calls it.
7. Just found out my grandma is in the hospital. Now I'm worried that she won't make it to Christmas. I don't know that it is that bad, but I always assume the worst.
8. The book of Romans is growing on me. DeEtte will be excited about that.
9. Alina is moving to Seattle. That is like crazy far away. I'm gonna miss her. But I'm sure she will do great out there. And who knows, maybe I'll be able to go visit her someday.
10. I really don't want to clean up the kitchen... please don't make me. Ok, fine. I will do it. But first I'm going to waste an hour on Facebook doing absolutely nothing, but not being bored at all while doing it.

So, that a little bit of what is going on in my head right now.

Some goals for the future

It's 3 am and here I am; I'm still awake. I really don't know why. Maybe it is the Dr. Pepper I had at 10, or maybe it's the fact that my heart feels heavy tonight. I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way, but I just feel down. This has been really unexpected though. I mean, I have been learning so much from God, I have felt so connected to Him. It's not like a camp mountain top high, and I most certainly am not reading my Bible anymore than usual. I don't know, I just was feeling... whole. I was loving being home with my family and not having to worry about classes. I don't know. I guess I haven't been feeling able to really be myself. I'm sure once I talk to mom about it I will be ok.

Onto another topic of sorts, I've been feeling really convicted recently on a couple things:

1.

I am incredibly blessed. I have so much and yet I feel like I am entitled to more stuff. I get mad that my car doesn’t work like it should and that it isn’t a nice, shiny new car. I want a nice house and clothes that are semi-cool. I have all of these things I want, but they do nothing to help the people around me. This greed, for lack of a better term, has blinded me to the many blessings that He has given me. I need to learn that my comfort is not necessarily guaranteed to me; only that God will be with me. Like Jesus said, “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” (Matthew 6:28-29) Why do I think God can’t take care of me? So, in a nutshell, I am convicted in my greedy ways of thought.

2.

I am not healthy. I am too out of shape. I’ll be honest, I’ve had to fight a lot of image issues seeing as I’ve always been on the larger side. Well, no more. I am going to get in shape. It will be an act of worship. I mean, Paul says it best in 1 Corinthians. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

3.

I need to get out of debt ASAP. I know, I’m in college and so debt just kinda happens. Well, I don’t think that is something that should be hanging over me. It may be unavoidable for a time, but eventually I will be able to work it off and get out of the hole I’m already in as a 20 year old. I’m going to start small; I’m going to pay off my credit card then try and not use it for things other than emergencies. I mean I’m just feeling really convicted in having debt because God tells us to not owe anyone anything. (Deut 15:6, Proverbs 22:7) Plus, person cannot serve two masters, God and Money, so as long as I have dept riding over me then I cannot fully serve God.


Thess may all seem like lofty goals, but I’m convinced that they are attainable. Even if I fail in some aspect as long as I follow God’s heart I should be fine. It can be read in Micah what the good way is. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8) So, yeah. I guess that’s all for tonight. I really should go to sleep now. I’m exhausted. Night!