Buffalo, NY

A couple weeks ago I went up to Buffalo, NY with 17 other people from my church (3 other adults, and 14 high school students) for an urban mission trip.  I haven’t really been able to write about it before this because it has taken me this long to recover and process what all happened that week we were there.  I’m still not entirely sure what all went down, but it was too incredible of an experience to hold off sharing about it any longer.  

We had spent the ten weeks leading up to the trip preparing ourselves and the students for what we were about to do.  There was some introduction needed for our fantastic suburban kids who had never really experienced any sort of urban anything.  We tried our best to keep any culture shock to a minimum, and give them the tools needed to make this trip about more than just hanging out with friends.  The thing about our team was that it was like pulling teeth to get them to talk during those ten weeks.  There was another team who went up the week before us, and they seemed to have gotten the talkative students.  

Fast forward to the van ride up to Buffalo; after we had driven for like two-ish hours we stopped for dinner.  After the kids were done eating they were playing Frisbee in a mostly empty parking lot.  As they were playing a group of guys came up and asked to play.  Our kids didn’t even think about it, but just tossed them the Frisbee and made room in the circle.  It was cool to see.  

Once we were all loaded up and on our way, our van started telling stories.  I mean, they were making up stories as a group to keep themselves entertained.  Jacqui and I were having a theological debate when next thing I hear is “Kate, start the next story!”  Thus, Javier the Iguana set out on his quest to find the perfect guacamole recipe.  I loved looking back and not seeing everyone plugged into their iPods, but interacting with each other and getting to know each other.  

The theme of togetherness continued through the trip.  Whenever there was down time the 14 high schoolers would spend their time hangout, all together.  There weren’t really factions or cliques.  It was just all of them together all the time. When I looked around at the high schoolers who were there, they really should not have worked together as well as they did.  I loved it.  

Since getting back, they have still tried to stay in contact with each other.  On Good Friday, the group who had off school went to lunch and saw the Hunger Games.  After that we proceeded to go get coffee and have a Nerf war (aka reenacting the movie) in the park near the coffee shop.  They were together from 11am to 6pm that day, and it wasn’t long enough for them.  They were already planning what they would do next time.  

The way they click reminds me of my housemate in the ministry house back at Witt.  It’s a group that shouldn’t work, but because they have Christ and love in common they just do.  I love it so much.  I get so excited when I think about it.  I really feel like God is going to use them to make some changes in our youth group/church/city.  I’m pumped. 

For the sake of not boring everyone with all the details all at once, I’m going to stop for now.  I’ll write more later about what all we did in Buffalo and other cool things like that. 

Backpack of Bricks

For the last few months I have been feeling like I am going through like wearing cement shoes, or a backpack full of bricks.  

I realize life is not a sprint, but a marathon and I shouldn’t worry about how fast I am going.  But then I look around me, and everyone has stable jobs or classes to keep them moving and I don’t.  I pick up odd jobs here and there, but that isn’t enough.  I will start working with people and my passions are awakened, then the next thing I know the rug is being yanked out from under me and I am back on my own.  I am getting really tired of being disposable. 

I see it with some friends, with work, with church, even with my family.  I don’t like it.  I’m tired of being the person everyone knows they can count on to be there when their plans fall through, but I’m never their ‘plan a’.  I want to be someone’s ‘plan a’!

I have had plenty of interviews that have gone really well.  I come out of them feeling like I did a solid job and they would be stupid not to hire me.  Then I get the call.  They are going with someone different.  In my mind that means someone better.  Can I be the best some day?  Can I please be picked first for the team, not last? 

Every time I am rejected it’s like another brick tossed in my backpack; one more thing weighing me down.  I am tired.  I want to put it down, but I can’t take it off my back.  I need someone’s help, but everyone else is too busy dealing with their own backpack.  So I trudge on.  Maybe someday I will be someone’s ‘plan a’.

Cravings

A couple weeks ago I started reading a new blog.  It is written by a girl name Melissa Kroll who is teaching English in Bolivia.  When she writes, she chronicles everything from her homesickness, to experiences with demon dogs and being choked in her sleep.  She also tells of times when God give her the chance to share his good news with her church and the students she works with.

Her story is incredible, but the thing that has struck me the most while reading her account of  this experience is how she craves heaven.  When most people are faced with a crappy day, they look forward to the next day.  When Melissa has a bad day she writes things like:

At the end of the day I was weary from the spiritual battles and was ready to call it all quits. I literally made a song to the tune of "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others" (from Sesame Street) and the words were:

One of these days, I'll just be in heaven
One of these days I won't be here anymore.
One of these days, I'll just be in heaven
One of these days I'll be dead on the floor.


Even though it sounds morbid, it was supposed to be amusing (my roommates laughed). I was simply done and throwing in the towel for the day and praying that either the Lord take my soul where it wants to be (the crystal river on the new earth), or restore me to a place where I can sufficiently continue in His works.  (ángeles y demonios)

Seriously, who says things like this?

As a self-proclaimed Christian, I wish I had this deep craving for heaven.  I don't think it is wrong to look forward to the next day God give us, but it can disappoint.  Our hope is found in the time when our Lord comes back for us.  On that day we won't see poverty.  We won't see war.  We won't see pain.  All we will see is the Glory of the Lord, and that is all we will need.

I don't live like that is all I need now.  I wish I did.  All  I can do now is pray that God gives me that craving, because is can change the way I live my life.  If I lived as though I craved heaven I probably would be more likely to slow down and notice the hurt around me then do something about it.  I would actually stop talking about loving my neighbor and practice what I preach.  If I craved heaven, I would do everything in my power to help make it happen and would do whatever it took to see those I love in heaven with me.

So for now, I pray for a heart change.

You should check out Melissa Kroll's blog, Psalm 19, here.  It is for sure worth the time.

Bummed

It is incredible to me how easily I can be disappointed.  Two weeks ago my friend let me know that there was a part time opening at the bank she works for.  I interviewed for the job last week, even though I wasn't totally sure I wanted it.  I just found out that they went with someone else and I am legitimately disappointed that I didn't get the job.  I guess I wanted it more than I realized.  Oh well.  They said the would give me a call if anything else opened up, so at least I didn't blow it.  This other person must have just been better qualified. 

Maybe next time.

Fences

I have notices something over the past few years.  Christians build fences like crazy.  We are so afraid of screwing up that we give ourselves boundaries that God never gave us.  God gives us boundaries, but room to move.  Our fear has us giving ourselves smaller boundaries.  We build a fence within a fence.  

We have had this problem for a long time.  In the book of Genesis, we catch a glimpse of our fence-building heritage.  “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?’ The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'” (Genesis 3:1-3)

Earlier, God had given the command that the serpent is talking about.  “And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.’”  Nowhere in there does God say they can’t touch the fruit.  Either Adam or Eve built a fence inside God’s command so they didn’t go against what he said.

All that work ended up being for nothing.  They still ended up disobeying God’s command.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to do as we’re told.  But I worry that if we box ourselves in too much we can easily convince ourselves that the restrictions God places on us are unrealistic.  It’s where that “Christians can’t have any fun” stereotype comes from. 

I think it’s time we start tearing our fences down.  We need to see what God really asks us to do.  Enough alienating ourselves from others; it’s no help to anyone!  Time to tear them down.

Home at Last

I’ve been finding that I don’t really do a good job of noticing when I am in the presence of something bigger than myself until I am face to face with that reality.  How often do I go through life unaware of the work God is doing in those around me?  It isn’t until I slowdown or God directs my attention to his work that I finally see it.

When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, "Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it."  He was afraid and said, "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven."  (Genesis 28:16-17)

When we come to these verses we would have just read the account of Jacob’s dream.  Jacob fell asleep on his way to flee Esau and to find a wife in Paden Aram, the land of his mother’s relatives.  In his dream, Jacob sees angels of the Lord ascending and descending a ladder from heaven.  Then God speaks to Jacob and promises him the same thing as his grandfather and father, Abraham and Isaac.  God promises that Jacob will have descendents that are so numerous that can’t even be counted. 

God legit had to take over the subconscious of Jacob for Jacob to notice his presence.  Jacob’s response is not just to move on.  In the verses to follow, Jacob takes the rock he used as a pillow and set it up as a pillar and worshiped God.  He renamed the place Bethel, meaning house of God. 

Recently, my view of Columbus has shifted.  I had been having a hard time seeing God really at work here.  I would catch glimpses, but nothing like what I saw in Springfield.  I started to think that maybe God wasn’t moving as strongly here as there.  Then we had a prayer night at the high school youth group, and my eyes were opened.  As I was praying about what I needed to let go, Springfield was laid on my heart so strongly that I literally started to tear up. 

As soon as I realized that I really needed to be here in Columbus and needed to kinda let Springfield go, God started showing up in conversations.  I started to feel more at peace and grounded that I had the months before.  Even living at home didn’t feel like such a struggle, but rather a blessing.  I didn’t have to worry about rent or groceries and I could use my limited income to go out to coffee with my girl, Andrea, after Impact or I could go out to lunch with some of the High School students on Fridays. 

I started to see how awesome this place is and now I don’t resent being here.  It is wonderful to feel at home in my own home.  Don’t get me wrong, I miss my friends in Springfield something fierce, but I don’t feel so much like a fish out of water.  It is lovely to be able to breathe again.

The Resurrection of the Body, and the Life Everlasting

Sorry this has taken so bloody long for me to finish…

The resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen

I have been dragging my feet when it comes to dealing with this part.  It’s not that I don’t want to be done with this topic; I just don’t really know how to explain my thoughts.  So, bear with me while I try to put my thoughts into words.  

I believe that Jesus when before all of us when it comes to death and resurrection.  So if anyone has questions about how our resurrection will be we should look to him.  When Jesus came back, he wasn’t just some ghost or spirit.  He was solid, corporal.  He had an actual, physical, body.  You can see this when he proves to Thomas that he is back from the dead.  Thomas puts his hand on the wounded side and pierced hands of Jesus.  He touched him: physical contact.  

We will follow after Christ.  We will, in my understanding, come back in the end days as an actual physical being.  I don’t really know how it will work, or what the details of it will be; but I know it will happen.

That being said, it implies that we will still exist come the day of the resurrection.  We have a life that will not end even when it does.  The Book of Revelation is very adamant about the idea that people will have life everlasting if they believe in Jesus as lord and savior.  There is an image, which John paints, of a New Jerusalem where the believers all live together and Jesus rules over the people.  That is an image that has me excited for whatever may come.

*****

Looking back, there isn’t a whole lot that I really needed to question in the Creed.  Most of it felt like second nature as I started to pick it apart.  However, there were some statements in the creed that through me for a loop as I took them apart.  In the end, I think it was a beneficial exercise for me.  I always have fun doing things like this.  :-)